If Home isn't a place...

I was looking for home and for so long. I traveled to countries I've never heard of before in search of a place I could call my home. I was always told that someday I'll be able to live in a city, settled, and create my own home. I looked for that city in all the countries I could see.

My Google timeline says I have been to 24 countries, 257 cities, and 1315 places.

If you ask me, I would say Google Maps didn't exist when I didn't have a phone. And even then, I was looking for home.

If you ask me, I can't tell you which city was for me to stay.

I have spent years wondering if I could ever be able to find my place.

If I were to create a home where would that be?

Eventually I stuck to the phrase - the world is my oyster. And maybe someday I would travel the entire world. This suited my narrative of being an explorer, belonging to the entire world than to one place.

When I was locked down in one, I finally began to wonder what was I really running from?

I made my house my home then. I cleansed it often, and I thought I'd never be able to stay for long in other places, other cities. Maybe this is what "settled" means, I thought to myself.

Until more time elapsed, the seasons changed, and so did I.

These days I find myself in peace.

Everywhere I go, I can find a corner reserved for me.

A room, a corner, a seat at a café, at a friend's crowded place, at my ancestral home, my parent's house, my sister's bunk- it could be anything and I'd feel okay.

A wretched little untidy room, a large sunny front-porch- put me anywhere and I'd be able to sit and write.

And when I am with my thoughts, I feel I'm home.

Maybe home isn't a place. Maybe it isn't something you look for outside of you.

Maybe home is within you. You cleanse that part every day.

Maybe home is a mindset - you are safe wherever you are.

Maybe home is a space - you feel expansive wherever you are.

Comments

"Are You a Lesbian?"

“Are you a lesbian?” A friend of mine once asked me mockingly when we were discussing about my aversion from some (“some” not “all”) kind of men. “No. But does it matter?” I asked her scornfully. No, I wasn’t bothered that I was asked a question about my sexuality. But what I didn’t understand was that is being a lesbian a matter to be jeered about? What if I was one? Wouldn’t I be hurt and embarrassed that my sexuality was just mocked at? Why are the words “gay” or “lesbian” used as slangs? Another incident, that took place a couple of years back, was when I was teasing two girl friends of mine, accusing them of having an affair. I considered it as normal as teasing a guy and a girl. One of them found it so disrespectful that she, instead of simply denying the fact, chided that she isn’t of such “third class” standard. I later discussed the small argument that we had, with her, trying to make my point that being a lesbian or a transgender doesn’t define anyone’s cla

Exploring the City of Lakes - Udaipur

I like solitude, to be left alone for a date with my thoughts. It’s beautiful the way you do not feel lonely even though you know not a single person in the place you are in, in the city you are in. Although I have travelled alone before, gone to places all by myself, I’d never be entirely alone- I’d meet friends in the city or along the journey. This time I decided to make my comfort zone a little wider, to add one more escapade to it- a solo trip of four days and three nights to Udaipur, a must-visit city for tourists in the state of Rajasthan, India. Beginning with the transportation from Gurgaon/Delhi to Udaipur- I luckily got flight tickets cheaper than that of train. I booked the tickets only a week before my departure date; train fare was somewhere around 1700 INR while airfare was around 1500 INR. (However, the return tickets cost me a fortune so I still suggest taking a bus or a train for those who have the time and patience/) I expected Day #1 to be an uneventfu

Ek Tha Tiger : Review

A huge fan I am of the actor Salman Khan, but as asked by my friends for an unbiased review (i.e. assuming it was just another actor and not THE Salman Khan) here it goes: 5 stars is what I would give it just after recalling Salman's face once, but "committing" to my promise as stated above, I am giving it somewhere between 4 and 4.5 stars. Now, I know that many critics have given it 3 stars but ignoring every other review or the star's charisma I give it a 4 that goes solely to the movie. One star I have deducted because the dialogues at the very first scene did not live up-to my expectations. Nor was Salman looking his very best (I felt like he was having a cold or the likes of that). The action scenes were not over shown or dramatic like that of Bodyguard’s (albeit it came as a nice surprise to me). But the unexpected twists and turns after the interval of the movie are what made the movie one of a kind. You would expect something to happen while the oppo

Pens and Pages

Search This Blog