Pens and Pages

When I stepped out of my cocoon last year, I wanted to create a beautiful life... for myself and for other people like me - smart, intelligent, but unhappy, unfulfilled, unsatisfied, their potentials never tapped into, their hearts smashed every time they typed on their laptops and looked at the clock. Time passes by for them and nothing happens. Or everything happens but just by the clock. Money buys them expensive shoes but where was the time to step out? Every conversation was a game of poker where you bet or you call but you can never fold. It's been a year now. I fear I may have failed. I didn't create the world I promised myself and my invisible readers. What am I doing? My life only got worse. There were places to go to but where were the expensive shoes? Fear, trapped me in an invisible cage I carried with me everywhere I went. My neck strangled by a stranger's hands of expectations. How could I stand up to his expectations when I can't even stand up to my own? ...

 I am loving it now. This entire exercise is getting so much fun that I skipped lunch to pursue categorizing of clothes a little more. The amount of clothes I now have to donate is giving me sheer joy too. There's some satisfaction in giving. When we give to others we actually give to ourselves. When we help others we actually help ourselves. But we need to give without expecting things in return. Expectations can only brew discontentment and complaints. Unconditional giving creates so much joy and mental space. And guess what? I finally had the energy to empty the remaining closets too. The only thing remaining is emptying two suitcases and I am sure I'll do that by the night is over. What surprises did I find? A beautiful dress that comes with the tag which means it was never worn. Not sure who bought it. Don't remember myself buying it because it is not even my style. But I can wear it in Goa. Anything goes in Goa. All body image issues disappear in Goa.  I asked my sis ...