Pens and Pages

Diary Entry : 21st April 2022 I had a feeling I wanted to go check out Deer Park Institute in Bir, Himachal Pradesh. I booked the hostel closest to it. I ended up extending my stay for one day and then for another and so on for a week. I am lucky to find a good dorm-mate here. She is 24 years old and a fellow traveler with a backpack. No, we are not tourists devouring each and every place we have to see. We are doing what we are supposed to be doing and that's "be"-ing - simply being. "Il bel far niente" - Italian for the beauty of doing nothing, also called "dolce bel far niente" - the sweet beauty of doing nothing. We are never not doing anything though. We are visiting cafes, working, writing, meditating, talking, joking, teaching and learning. A new discussion arose yesterday and it's a personal favourite enough for me to talk about. In a nutshell: "We want everything that the rich people have but our roots and surroundings are middle-clas...

Most evenings tension lines form on my forehead. Most nights I can’t sleep well. I make sure the door is locked, I make sure the windows are closed, the curtains are drawn, and one or two lights remain turned on. I don’t know if growing up means living in fear because you know too many truths about how the world works. I am not sure if I can call myself very practical or a little paranoid. They say a child knows no fear and they only acquire it as they grow up through various environments. It would be fair to blame it all on my environment- toxic, untrustworthy, full of criminals. But I seldom find any solace in being blame-free. I would blame my own fearfulness as much as I would blame the environment. It was easier as a child to forgive myself, mostly because I thought when I’d grow up I’d be perfect. That there would be no mis-happenings, if that’s a word. * One really cannot blame a thirteen-year old coming back from school in public transport, wearing a decent uniform, ...