For those of you who haven’t met me in person, I must,
before writing about the miseries of wearing a bitch face, write why I say I
have a bitch face. I am a plump woman with a round face and I vividly remember
my batchmate at MDI, Nikhil, claiming that my “default face” is similar to a
sad smiley, which implied people who didn’t know me would find it difficult to
approach and talk to me. Similar were the thoughts of my Capgemini FLP
(Freshers’ Learning Program) mate Alakananda who had said that if one sees me
from a distance one gets the impression of someone with an attitude of
arrogance.
When a person is not smiling, it is quite understood that
the person is either thinking something or listening or doing anything but not
smiling. When I am not smiling people ask me, “What’s wrong?”
I remember my first job at Capgemini when our senior Sashank
would complain out loud, “ye ladki roti kyu rehti hai?” And since he would not
give much opportunity to me to reply, I would just vent out at Rahul Ghosh, whose
seat was right next to me, that I was not sad, I was just not smiling.
I think of myself as a jovial person but every time I cannot
smile during a conversation because either I am thinking of something or I am
just listening like I am gathering information, my face would just give up on
me. Being void of any facial expressions, my train of thoughts would be
interrupted by, “Did I say something offensive?”
I remember explaining to people that because my face is fat
I need to put much more effort to smile the same length in comparison to a
skinny person, hoping that they would buy this logic and not trouble me more when
met with a weak smile by my face.
If you’ve seen even one episode of any stand-up comedy you’d
know that when they make a joke they don’t laugh themselves, keeping a serious
face while the audience laughs out loud. When I make a joke in such a manner,
my close friends laugh while others just wonder if they have been told
something offensive. When I’m sarcastic, people sometimes, when they don’t think
I’m stupid and I meant what I said, laugh. But when I’m not sarcastic and I ask
a question I genuinely want to know the answer of, people do assume that I’m
being sarcastic.
Do you remember the last time you’re exhausted when you’re
about to call it a day after hours of tiresome traveling or working and all you
need is to lie down and sleep? I can’t remember the last time I was so
exhausted and sweating but not asked if I had a bad day, because every time I
have to wave my good-byes after going on a trip together people ask me either
via a text message or in person whether I was upset with something.
People often ask me why my candid photos on Facebook or
Instagram are such that my face isn’t facing the camera while I look at
somewhere distant. This is because those of my candid photos where I am reading
or looking at the camera, I look as if I am going to kill someone.
Have you ever just walked into a party where everyone is
having fun but you just walked in and are just looking for a friend or everyone’s
looking at their cellphones and so are you? In such a scenario, people would
ask me, “Why are you so judgmental?” and leave me wondering if that’s how my
face looked to them.
The saddest part of
this story is that my face still hasn’t learnt. It didn’t learn when I was a pampered
kid and my father would sometimes wonder why I turned out this way that I had
to cry to get the things I want while I concluded that because I sulked so much
my face turned permanently sulking. And even after years of being told to smile
or being asked why I am sad, my face seems to still have not learned a thing.
I write this post because I find these humorous memes on
the internet and I do not wish to laugh alone. I write this post in the hope
that someone would comment saying they have this problem too. I do not know
many people who have this problem because those who probably have this issue wouldn’t
be approached by me and vice versa for mostly the same reason. -_-
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