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Friday, March 29, 2013

"Are You a Lesbian?"



“Are you a lesbian?” A friend of mine once asked me mockingly when we were discussing about my aversion from some (“some” not “all”) kind of men.

“No. But does it matter?” I asked her scornfully.

No, I wasn’t bothered that I was asked a question about my sexuality. But what I didn’t understand was that is being a lesbian a matter to be jeered about? What if I was one? Wouldn’t I be hurt and embarrassed that my sexuality was just mocked at? Why are the words “gay” or “lesbian” used as slangs?

Another incident, that took place a couple of years back, was when I was teasing two girl friends of mine, accusing them of having an affair. I considered it as normal as teasing a guy and a girl. One of them found it so disrespectful that she, instead of simply denying the fact, chided that she isn’t of such “third class” standard. I later discussed the small argument that we had, with her, trying to make my point that being a lesbian or a transgender doesn’t define anyone’s class or standard. Maybe my point wasn’t explained clearly enough. After a few minutes of a heated up conversation, we both agreed to the fact that perceptions vary and it was wrong on my part to tease them.

Now my question just changed to why are the words “gay” or “lesbian” interpreted as slangs?

There’s absolutely nothing embarrassing about liking someone of the same sex. We all have different needs – physical, emotional, etc. While some women require a man to protect them, to understand them and to pamper them, there are women who feel like they’re understood only by other women and they find love in them. Same is the case with some men who do not get as excited looking at a woman as they get while looking at a man. It’s as natural as anything else nature has created. And above all, it’s not a curse, unlike what most people think, it can even be a choice, a way of life.

It’s sad that even after 4 years of homosexual-intercourse being decriminalized in India, people still look at such couples with disgust and/or wonder. The reason, if there is one, they are treated as outcasts is something I never understood.

It was a few months back when my father was asking about a childhood friend of mine whom he last met a couple of years ago. “He’s doing well, Dad. He just got engaged with a guy named David Brooks who is a manager in a bank.”

I understood that it was very hard for my parents to realize the fact that my friend was gay. It was when they pitied on him, that I explained to them, for almost an hour, why it isn’t a thing to be pitied upon. “He is happy with the way he is. He doesn’t desire for any different life, just like I don’t want to be born as a boy or to be born in any other family.” Although it took some time, but finally, they understood.

Later that night I was narrating the day’s events to another friend of mine and he almost jumped off his chair at what I said.

“You have a gay friend?” He asked.

“Not one, but many.”

“Wow. Tell me his name. I want to know who he is.”

I didn’t get it what was there to wow about.

“Why? Are you interested? But like I said, he is already in a relationship” was my reply.

Because people consider homophiles as something “unusual” or “museum-material”, the latter are shy to declare their sexual orientation openly. As a result, many live an unsatisfied life with a partner of the opposite sex, living what people call a “normal” marriage. Consequently, the lives of both the husband and the wife are affected. There are such marriages, I have read, in some metropolitan cities in our country, where the husband willingly let’s her wife be with another woman in the day when he’s away, after realizing about her bisexuality. Some marriages fail when one of the persons is a homosexual. And some just cannot yield to marrying their parents’ choice, nor can they admit their sexuality for the fear of rejection from the family and the society, and thus, live a lonely life.

I recently read it in an article: “Homosexuality is nature’s way of controlling population.” The statement ends with an invisible smiley, in my opinion, because it says it all – that homosexuality is natural, acceptable, reasonable, and nothing less than being “straight”.

Maybe I understand too little, the complicacies of being a homosexual. But when the topic of legalizing gay marriage has been on the news since the last few days I couldn’t help myself but write this post. If all of us were given the right to vote for or against it, I would, without doubt, vote for it. For I don’t believe in making lovers suffer, and from when did love have a definition?

I could go on and on in this subject (or any subject for that matter as I am a blabby person which is totally the opinion of my friends and not mine :-P) but I am concluding this post with the note that two adults, irrespective of their genders, shouldn’t be refrained from making love if both of them have indicated their consent.

Being a fiction writer, it’s obvious that my post contains some fictional parts. But the viewpoint, I own up to it. I hope this post isn’t offending to anyone in any manner. In case it is, my sincere apologies to the person concerned.





21 comments:

  1. Someone's sexuality is what i have always felt uncomfortable to discuss, its the person's wish who he/she wants to be with, why should we even bother? We have reached an age where sexuality is just another tweak of one's personality, it doesnt defines one's nobelity though, i hope its the correct word, coz i am getting all red zigzag below. Anyways what i mean to say is, to hell with people who bring controversy to such topics, if i were a homosexual, i would lift my head proud like any other sexually oriented person. BTW i dont think i am one though. Gullu, it was nice reading this, waiting for the next article of yours

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    1. thanks for reading and commenting.. and ya,, i totally agree with what you wrote.. it's just another tweak of one's personality, and it would be commendable if people accept it that way

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  2. You have now put approval for comments, Celebrity you are!!! ;p

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    1. huh,, no i get spam comments daily dats y

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  3. There are two simple things which if noticed wud not make a complication on the issue of gays and lesbians and they being not mocked at and respected as any other individual...
    Society is all about like minded people ! Its human and its obvious ...so if a society is full of people believing in interaction of opposite sexes .. they feel awkward to accept the interaction of same sexes !!
    secondly,wish God would would preprogramme all human while sending them on earth - live and let live .. dont poke ur nose into someone elses business... and things would start falling in place after a generation or two :)

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    1. live and let live, indeed :) thanks a lot for reading and caring to leave a comment :)

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  4. Great article. It's really nice that you ventured to write on this topic. Homosexuality is still considered as a taboo in our country. Very recently, a few students and faculty members in my college (BITS-Pilani) started a sexuality cell for the social welfare of gays and lesbians in colleges across the country. And u won't believe how many eyebrows this raised in our college.
    And if such hypocrites can exist in one of the best institutions in the country, they can exist anywhere. India needs more writers like you who can make people aware of this issue. Keep it up :)

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    1. disgraceful, that what happened.. hope the cell is still working in your college.. thanks a lot for leaving such a motivating comment :)

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    2. Hi Sanhita, I came across your blog randomly. I am Rithika's friend and I must give kudos to your article. Beautifully written, and poignantly stated. :)
      And Avinash, I know about the issue (I am a BITSGian), and likewise I was appalled. I am glad however, things have gone forward from then. :)

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    3. Thanks Shalini for reading and appreciating :)

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  5. Superb thinking and superb writing... This post is surely going to change the mindset of the people in the society (atleast of a few if not all). Good job done :-) specially the line " Homosexuality is nature’s way of controlling population " is so convincing and an output of rational thinking.. Cheers to you!!!!

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  6. superb thinking and superb writing.. this post will surely help in changing the mindset of the people in the society (of a few if not all). great job done.. specially the line " Homosexuality is nature’s way of controlling population " is so convincing and an output of rational thinking.. three cheers to you !!!

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    1. thanks a lot for reading and commenting :) and yes, I believe we can bring a change if not in the world but at least among our peers..

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  7. well written!!everyone has a different perspective but nevertheless you managed to convince quite a few.the flow of the writing is very good,spontaneous.way to go!!

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  8. well written!!everyone has a different perspective but you managed to convince quite a few.the flow of the writing is very good,spontaneous.way to go!!

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