tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17214348227460842492024-03-16T06:42:22.300+05:30Pens and PagesWelcome to Paraferno - this is the story of a lackadaisically frantic and whimsical dame on an oneiric infernal paradise ;-) Sanhita Baruahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08017993703409422805noreply@blogger.comBlogger253125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1721434822746084249.post-56666559951270654672023-02-04T21:33:00.003+05:302023-02-04T21:33:51.768+05:30Remembrance and Renegade - Checking in with Myself from 2022<p>When I stepped out of my cocoon last year, I wanted to create a beautiful life... for myself and for other people like me - smart, intelligent, but unhappy, unfulfilled, unsatisfied, their potentials never tapped into, their hearts smashed every time they typed on their laptops and looked at the clock.</p><p>Time passes by for them and nothing happens. Or everything happens but just by the clock. Money buys them expensive shoes but where was the time to step out?</p><p>Every conversation was a game of poker where you bet or you call but you can never fold.</p><p>It's been a year now. I fear I may have failed. I didn't create the world I promised myself and my invisible readers. What am I doing?</p><p>My life only got worse. There were places to go to but where were the expensive shoes?</p><p>Fear, trapped me in an invisible cage I carried with me everywhere I went.</p><p>My neck strangled by a stranger's hands of expectations. How could I stand up to his expectations when I can't even stand up to my own?</p><p>I somehow got lost again, this time, in a new mirage. I forgot what my destination was, so I didn't pay heed to the paths.</p><p>Another stranger came, and I got lost in her words. Her words became a ring on my finger, never forcing me to do anything but always reminding me of her existence.</p><p>There were more strangers pointing fingers at me. There were more leading me to nowhere.</p><p>I stood there. Life was stagnant. I hung on to branches and leaves of any tree I could find. How well do you know a tree if you don't know how deep its roots grow?</p><p>I recognize that I chose fear. Another month, another year. I choose again. This time, will I be able to choose love?</p><p>I am only a rogue renegade now. I have stepped out of the house and I can't go back. I lost directions because I forgot where I was headed. There was no plan. There never is. But this time, I hope I remember what I set out for.</p>Sanhita Baruahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08017993703409422805noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1721434822746084249.post-22932386623980272552022-07-07T12:14:00.002+05:302022-07-07T12:14:35.839+05:30Why we write<p> When I first thought of starting a new blog / website / newsletter, I had thought I would write perfect articles with all the self-healing tips I have learned in life. The perfect articles never came, because I am not perfect. And let me tell you a little secret, having met and observed different kinds of people from up close, I can comfortably tell you that nobody is perfect. Not even your role model. You will know when you know them in person.</p><p>It is different when I am counseling clients, because I see them for they are, what they have gone through, what they could become if they leave the beliefs that are limiting them or contracting them, and tell them how they can become that. With some healing techniques, I facilitate them to shed some unnecessary and harmful beliefs right away.</p><p>Every client is different. Every life story is different. Every root cause is different. And I have the natural gift and some learned techniques to figure out these stories, find the root causes, deal with them, and pull them out from the client's mind like stubborn weed from their bodies.</p><p>But does that make me someone who has it all? I may know things but only knowing them isn't enough. These things need to be applied in life, consciously and regularly. And even if you apply them regularly, life has the beauty of throwing new challenges, new experiences, new battles with new wounds and scars at you. And then you need to work upon them too. It helps when you have some past experience, and it helps when your previous wounds are healing or healed.</p><p>Just like a fitness coach needs to go to the gym himself, or a nutritionist needs to follow the diet herself, Light Workers like me need to consciously work on themselves and regularly so. And when I started to write these newsletters, I decided to show up as my true imperfect deeply emotional highly sensitive thinking feeling self instead of just sharing the perfect one-size-suits-all tips and tricks to deal with life, relationships, career and more. It's scary to show up like this but it is also liberating and fulfilling.</p><p>That's what art, healing, creative endeavours, etc do. They fill the gaps that life leaves. They then help you expand. There will be more gaps as you expand. And then there will be more fillings to, if you want it so.</p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p>Sanhita Baruahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08017993703409422805noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1721434822746084249.post-38568779108202169882022-07-06T11:14:00.001+05:302022-07-07T18:31:53.837+05:30How we deal with Dis-Ease<p> Two years back, N made a daily Zoom call where a few people would get together and chant a Consciousness mantra in the morning before we start our days. I did that for about a month and then caught Covid, got hospitalized and forgot all about the group.</p><p>A year later, I checked my whatsapp messages thoroughly to find the group still active. I joined one of the calls. Only N and another person was there in the call. N had her hair short.</p><p>"Why did you cut your hair short?" I asked without any point of view.</p><p>"Just like that. A new style."</p><p>"I think the stylist didn't cut it properly."</p><p>"I cut it myself, actually."</p><p>But something was wrong, The haircut somehow didn't make sense. She looked like she lost weight too. I asked her again.</p><p>She said that in a few cultures, people cut their hair short when their husbands die, and even though many people asked her that but I can trust her that it wasn't that at all. Her husband too had cut his hair short.</p><p>"People do this when they go through chemotherapy too," I said. I didn't know what got into me to say this but I did. I was wondering how can someone not acknowledge chemotherapy when we were talking of hair.</p><p>"Hmn.. it's exactly that."</p><p>N was diagnosed with Cancer two years back when she had started the group. In one year she had gone through many chemotherapy sessions. She hadn't shared this to anyone, until I asked and now the other person in the call knew it too.</p><p>"Maybe some people did guess it, but they were too polite to ask," She said.</p><p>I clearly was not polite.</p><p>But here's what happened. When we spoke about it in details, she felt better. By the end of the call, she felt like it was a divine intervention that I joined the call. I was going through some things too, and as soon as she used the word "divine intervention", I shared some of my experiences too about how I had to change hospitals, how the reports were messed up, etc. We both came out of the call happier, freer.</p><p>Here's the thing about diseases. There are things out of our control and there are things within our control. When I was in the hospital, I played online Ludo and Poker with my friends and acquaintances from MDI. When I had a fracture in 2019, and I was on leave, I took it as an opportunity to catch up on some passive Netflix / Prime Video watching - something I never get the chance to do because of my lifestyle and hobbies. And when N was diagnosed with Cancer, instead of lamenting how she was the most unluckiest person in the world, she chose to found a whatsapp group, have daily calls and meet-ups, make new friends, and enjoy the joy of living. Instead of being offended by my question, she took it as an opportunity to finally open up about what she was going through and felt relieved that she did, Today, she is a healthy woman, well recovered.</p><p>The thing is life is not only short but very unpredictable. We never know what life throws at us.</p><p>A few days back, I was exhausted and irritated of doing all the new-house unpacking and shifting. In the morning I texted a friend on how the last time I shifted my house back in 2019, I had a fracture on the same day because I was exhausted and weak. By the evening at about 6pm, I slipped and fell down the stairs outside my house.</p><p>I was unable to get up and I started crying out loud, but there was no one nearby to help me get up. So I somehow limped my way to my room and landed myself on the sofa. Everything hurt.</p><p>I wanted to dwell in the comfort of tears and drown myself in self-pity. But the first thought I had in mind was that I could have a concussion and I am thankful I didn't. Another thought was how much I manifested my own injury because I was thinking about it in the morning and reminiscing the time when I texted my friend. This is one reason why I keep telling my clients that we really need to watch our thoughts. When we can manifest great things, we can manifest shitty things too and at the speed of light. The third thought was that life is too short for me to waste it fighting and blaming and crying. Context: I had a fight with Mr. B a few days back.</p><p>The rest is in this Insta Story-</p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEgTkqXVuvKMKG4bkZm5V-HZz8WWXKiJ8XKrrEOvNyIJrf_aZx5u0skGKNNVJn54XB7UaIG1vKJ-4YkNPDTKohCnK2uzZ7vyH5E2i0RK-1fZn3md8umXmkTf3dYbFn2wzXqKAYDFwU8fPDjYOpOtFkXSTb_j_J95wUIVcY7WriE79r_-qr298AGSwz_Ufg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="1280" data-original-width="720" height="445" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEgTkqXVuvKMKG4bkZm5V-HZz8WWXKiJ8XKrrEOvNyIJrf_aZx5u0skGKNNVJn54XB7UaIG1vKJ-4YkNPDTKohCnK2uzZ7vyH5E2i0RK-1fZn3md8umXmkTf3dYbFn2wzXqKAYDFwU8fPDjYOpOtFkXSTb_j_J95wUIVcY7WriE79r_-qr298AGSwz_Ufg=w250-h445" width="250" /></a></div><br /><br /><p></p><p>The next day, I booked an X-ray-at-home service as prescribed by the doctor online. It costed 20X the regular amount and the appointment was only for the evening. Thankfully, a healer from our Whatsapp group offered to check on my injury. He helped me with a Crepe Bandage too. I did a few energetic verbal clearings for him (blockage clearing of limiting beliefs) and he was so happy with it that he even gifted me the meal for the evening (Usually the rule in healing exchanges is to always split the amount spent for food).</p><p>I could take a proper bath only on the third day and could check on the hips. Swollen, bruised black and blue entirely. I was terrified seeing my own bruises. I was dejected enough to be able to shed some tears in self-pity but I could only thank my charts that this body is loaded with fats. Or else I would have fractured a hip bone for sure.</p><p>I think this attitude has always helped me. Every time I have fallen sick, I would remind myself that it's my body's way to demand some rest and relaxation. I have been running around since forever. How about some nothingness? Il Bel Far Niente - The sweet beauty of doing nothing.</p>Sanhita Baruahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08017993703409422805noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1721434822746084249.post-7531723811132202142022-07-04T13:23:00.009+05:302022-07-09T12:36:47.388+05:30I Wanted to Walk Out and Then I Realized I Didn't<p>I have always believed that Love and Relationships are different things, often misunderstood to be the same.</p><p>If love is a feeling, an emotion, you can love anyone you wish to, and from a distance too. You do not expect anything in return so whatever you receive is a gift, a bonus, a dessert for your meal. Love inherently is unconditional and non-judgmental. Something close to divine and inexplicable. Can you think of how you love your friends and never judge them to be anything less than perfect no matter how they are and how different they are from you or your other friends?</p><p>And then comes infatuation. Oh, that feeling when your mind is on Cloud Nine! The start of a heady love-affair. The butterflies in your stomach. How you think of them almost all the time. How all the love songs suddenly make sense. And how, even if it is the umpteenth time you have a crush, you can't help but see your crush as no less than human embodiment of perfection.</p><p>Sometimes, we love this feeling of infatuation so much that we end up chasing it one after the other. Think of serial dating on online dating apps these days.</p><p>Sometimes, we are so attached to this feeling of infatuation that we forget to see all the red flags and jump into a relationship already with the other person.</p><p>And at other times, we take our time through the infatuation, enjoy the so-called "honey moon period", and then get into a relationship and forever miss the period of courtship.</p><p>Relationships are hard work. Marriages are hard work. Don't get me wrong, it is easy to find someone you can marry and then marry that person. It is hard to stay married. Or stay happily married.</p><p>And this is why so many couples keep complaining about their spouses. A) Some complaints are just benign and pesky like how the guy never hooks the door when he enters the bathroom or how the girl keeps complaining about the food in the restaurant as if the guy cooked it. B) Some complaints are lethal like domestic violence or verbal abuse.</p><p>I used to wonder why so many people stayed married while complaining while they could just leave. But they never leave. All they say is - "Please don't get married like we did. You are enjoying your life. We are living in hell, here."</p><p>I don't think they are living in hell though. I used to. Not anymore. I think when it is the first kind of pesky complaints, it is mostly that they miss the sweet things that used to feel rewarding during the courtship period, but now feels like they deserve it but they don't get it when they need/want it.</p><p>But they still love the other person. Maybe not in a public restaurant or on an IG story. But they love them in a way that involves a lot of care yet is a bit conditional and judgmental in nature. These are arranged marriages, and love marriages where the spark is lost but some love remains.</p><p>The landlady at my new apartment, just like the landlady at my previous apartment, said to me - "Don't get married. After you get married, life becomes more about your husband and child than yourself. There is no time for yoga or meditation. I wish I was single."</p><p>"I don't think so, or else you would not have stayed married for so long." I said this for the first time to someone, although it was the umpteenth time I had heard this statement.</p><p>"You are right, Sanhita. It is nice to have companionship. It is too much work managing a house, but it is nice to have people around." There was the truth she uttered after I gave it a thought.</p><p>This reminds me of what my dear friend AM told me a couple of years back. "When someone tells you to not get married but is married themselves, just ask them to get a divorce and see their reaction!" :-D</p><p>People choose what they choose and it includes their life styles and relationships too.</p><p>If you are in a relationship, and are constantly complaining about your spouse, either seriously or as a joke, the thing is you are choosing to be in it. You are choosing to not leave it either out of the fear that you will not get anyone better or because of the love you have for the other person. Now what remains is another choice for today and tomorrow. Is complaining or getting annoyed over little things working for you?</p><p>The second kind (abuse/violence) is more psychological in nature. It becomes like a drug. You are blinded in love but also dipped in toxicity. That is to be kept for another day.</p><p>What most people go through is the first kind. The complaints they feel are not enough to get a divorce, and yet not too few to be happy in the relationship.</p><p>While when you are in love, all you have is attachment and butterflies. A secure relationship demands that you remain a little detached, that you feel whole yourself as a person, and anything the other person offers become a dessert while you remain the main course, the steak.</p><p>But let's face it, detachment sucks sometimes. Being detached and saint-like makes us miss some little joys of silly things sometimes. Having no heady emotions is boring. Sometimes we love to lose our wholeness and become this needy pathetic mess. Sometimes we want to expect all the things in the world. It's more of a stubbornness than anything real or permanent, I promise.</p><p>The day before yesterday I was a miserable mess with Mr. B. All I really wanted was probably one decent phone-call or a coffee/dinner date, and because I wanted him to initiate it and he didn't, (Turns out - Lovers can't read minds! Say what? :D) I did throw my share of tantrums over other things and created a mound out of a molehill, instead of simply initiating what I expected. This was a first for me. I don't remember doing anything like this before.</p><p>So, I couldn't help but wonder that is this what other people go through too when they complain about their spouses? I used to believe anyone who complains about their spouses should either stop complaining and honour the other person for all the efforts they put in, or just leave through the front door and live with themselves or someone else.</p><p>But when I experienced something similar, something that was a first dramatic fight for me instead of an open conversation, I realized I didn't want to walk out the front door. I just was tired and exhausted from all the house work I was doing, and I wanted a little cradle where I could lie down to rest. I just wanted a hug and some words that would sound like, "It's okay. Take some rest. The house can be set tomorrow." </p><p>My tantrums were enough to make him meet me, not for a well-dressed dinner date but for a rushed and quick catch-up in-between work. I made him meet me up only to push him further away with my tears and tantrums.</p><p>"Do you want me to leave or do you want a hug?" He asked.</p><p>"A hug," I responded while wiping my tears.</p><p>As soon as we hugged, I was fine. Turns out, that was all I needed - some attention, some support.</p><p>Sometimes I call up my friends and ask them directly, "I want to crib. Can I have some of your sympathy?"</p><p>"You can crib. But you won't get any sympathy," they would respond.</p><p>"Why can't I? Please! I want some sympathy," I would insist.</p><p>And they would eventually remind me why I don't need that sympathy, and then we laugh it all off.</p><p>Sometimes we need some silly things in life, and it is okay to ask for them. And then remind ourselves, that we don't really need them, but we just want to enjoy some of that. Like an ice cream.</p><p>You can't expect anyone else to fulfill you or all your needs. But you can't hug yourself either. You can be your own 7 course meal, but somedays you would like an extra scoop of ice cream.</p><p>And how many times we just forget to ask for what we truly need, and create problems instead?</p><p>How many times do we hide our real desires and suppress them with trivial ones and then never get satisfied or truly happy?</p><p>Even with our family members, when we want to say "I am tired. Can you please cook/clean today?" We end up saying "You don't do anything. You're always on your phone" etc. Not anyone's fault. We are all neurologically programmed to either play the role of the victim, the perpetrator or the rescuer in our social interactions. But we can break out of it.</p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEho6jeBHwTtmCxRP9GTxh63sHR6Y3zZGan8QivXocf3euX3REqfoXAkmQj7QpuUg8YEu-R4ZUHu72TnjZoWIC-i_bxNiAOPP8u0UEi2qLIUK1OL8JanApQI_SEiaMCOqSjgyFErCCRBxmjcIZ4HSbHMYkSm3JrkQzS54DwkYdeWAIqdSdEhtAf_y8gykQ" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="314" data-original-width="600" height="167" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEho6jeBHwTtmCxRP9GTxh63sHR6Y3zZGan8QivXocf3euX3REqfoXAkmQj7QpuUg8YEu-R4ZUHu72TnjZoWIC-i_bxNiAOPP8u0UEi2qLIUK1OL8JanApQI_SEiaMCOqSjgyFErCCRBxmjcIZ4HSbHMYkSm3JrkQzS54DwkYdeWAIqdSdEhtAf_y8gykQ" width="320" /></a></div><br /><br /><p></p><p>How many times do we keep complaining about our boyfriends/girlfriends/spouses/siblings/kids over trivial matters, but never figure out the real reason that all we need could be a little appreciation after a long and tiring day?</p><p>Of course, therapy and healing from past traumas becomes a continuous practice in everyday life. We work on our triggers and underlying fears continuously. It makes life so much better. But even years of therapy can't make you perfect unless you work on yourself everyday. And then you can love your imperfections too. If it were some 3 years before, I would have shamed myself for having needs. 'How dare I not be perfect and fully independent?' I would have thought. But I am dependent on my maid, on the Ola cab driver, on my phone, on Swiggy, on the farmers who grow the food and so many things in the world. Yes, we can always find alternatives and manage, but we would be dependent on something or the other. The word independence isn't applicable to us humans at all. </p><p>But what if we don't need to wait our entire lives to be completely healed, completely whole, completely needless, a full-fledged saint and only then allow ourselves to receive a gentle hug?</p><p>I know so many of my friends are waiting to be fully healed. And we think every aspect of life would be perfect after that. But life goes, and that perfection never comes. I jokingly say that I run a single people cohort on IG. If someone is single, I know them. But I would rather love fully and deeply and get my heart broken, get hurt, and move on building my resilience than to never have loved at all.</p><p>Even saints get angry. They aren't God. (Looking at the condition of the world, maybe God gets angry too. Who knows?)</p><p>Even if you are at your completely fucked-up messed-up worst self, you deserve to be loved, and sometimes, especially then.</p><p>What if when we need the hug, we simply ask for it instead of expecting the other person to read our minds?</p><p>You don't need to be perfect to allow little perfect things to come to you.</p><p>*</p><p>Sometimes, because you are a strong and independent woman, everyone expects you to remain strong and independent. You can wipe a million tears dropped by others, but dare you shed one. No one can take it. How can that strong woman give up or break down or have a meltdown? Until you realize, real beauty lies in being so vulnerable that your vulnerability is no longer a sign of weakness, that you can be vulnerable because you are so strong. And it's okay to be sad at times, to cry. You don't have to be so hard on yourself to always appear strong. This is an affirmation I tweaked from Dr. Gaurav's affirmation - No matter how I show up, I am loved. It means some days I am going to be messy. It means some days I am going to be confused. And all the other days, I will be as amazing as I can be. </p><p>And in all kinds of days, I am going to show myself compassion and love, and I will be willing to receive compassion and love. We would want to push people away on our hard days, on sad days, on difficult days. We think our dark sides and worst sides aren't worth being loved. But healing is all about loving those dark and ugly parts a little extra. Healing is about embracing them and realizing they are not meant to be pushed away. Healing is about knowing you need not be perfect, that perfection isn't a pre-condition to be loved, accepted or appreciated.</p><p>A lot of my clients come to me and tell me how they need to be the best to be loved. Let's say, the best at their college exam, or in the office, or in sports. But no one's love is conditioned upon those factors. Life is not your school exam that only the one who comes first wins, and there is only one first position. We think if we can just be the best, better than all the other people they know, they will love us. But do you choose people to love that way? Are your friends the best in class and hence, you love them? Or is it that you love them and that's why they feel like the best the world has to give?</p><p>You can never be perfect. There's a silly example I give my friends. You can be Aishwarya Rai but someone's still going to say Angelina Jolie is prettier. So, why not stop this need to be fully perfect? Allow yourself to be seen, to be loved.</p><p>You know, how it's easy to chew on those Chicken Wings and Burgers with friends but never on a date? But if you have to truly live with someone, they will see you on your days when your nose is running, and you are coughing, and you don't have any make-up on or your charm on. So, why not bring out your true self instead? And see who leaves, and see who stays?</p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEiXMhfmzwSgJ5ovclo57Ah7JeWYfHi5d5zboxGju3l237SrHz6rKMAQ4s89cNgvDZZqPHIj_BxVmypjfTHifroSPPcRyu7tr-JhUm9ORHWHruJVTQ2CQZ7_jcCjbD1OXTJ24ZG38JDHc0NiTiu_-1_mmxT5oWIlwBFTi3oCq34iuasd90VE2s2sOwhnbQ" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="410" data-original-width="720" height="182" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEiXMhfmzwSgJ5ovclo57Ah7JeWYfHi5d5zboxGju3l237SrHz6rKMAQ4s89cNgvDZZqPHIj_BxVmypjfTHifroSPPcRyu7tr-JhUm9ORHWHruJVTQ2CQZ7_jcCjbD1OXTJ24ZG38JDHc0NiTiu_-1_mmxT5oWIlwBFTi3oCq34iuasd90VE2s2sOwhnbQ" width="320" /></a></div><br /><br /><p></p><p>(While love requires passion, relationships require patience)</p><p>Where are you waiting to be chosen so much that you forgot that you have the power to choose?</p>Sanhita Baruahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08017993703409422805noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1721434822746084249.post-65975745817486362772022-07-03T13:07:00.003+05:302022-07-03T21:43:16.743+05:30What if your choices are not life sentences?<p> <How I deal with anxiety, uncertainty, overthinking and life></p><p><What if your choices and decisions are not final destinations and life sentences?></p><p>I was never really a victim of anxiety until 2018. Three traumatic episodes from three different spheres of my life had fallen upon me together at the same time, then. One of them was something I finally confessed to in 2020 on my Instagram and felt a huge burden off my chest. Writing in general and on social media helps this way. The sheer fact that when you write something, someone sitting miles away from you can relate to it, have gone through something like it or empathize to it, not only gives validation to your emotions but also a sense of meaning and purpose to your life and experiences, a sense of pure human connection.</p><p>But because it wasn't one trauma after the other, but three together, I had picked up some paranoia and anxiety as a symptom then. These are things I started working on from 2019 with a therapist and a life coach / healer, and eventually ended up taking healing practitioner courses myself. Today I have many courses and tools up my sleeve to deal with anxiety, stress, depression, etc for my clients and for myself.</p><p>But nothing beats acknowledging your emotions, the root causes, the thoughts, and then challenging them and acting consciously upon them (Something I work on with my clients in my Mindset Coaching program).</p><p>So, before 2018, I was a happy-go-lucky person, I was going through life as it flows without worrying a second about tomorrow. I would live in the moment, quite naturally, because that's who I was. I have always been a deeply feeling person and I would naturally incline towards my feelings while giving a job interview or making any decision like which college to go to. (Eventually, via my courses in consciousness I learned to distinguish between feelings and intuition and consciously making decisions or choosing to live in the moment).</p><p>But life had turned upside down in 2018. The only silver lining during that time was the Scooty I had won in a Lucky Draw Contest by Bournvita. I haven't yet learned to drive it and my friends have sat on it more times than I have, but it was a sign from the Universe for me to not give up on life and luck, to heal myself and overcome the traumas. I eventually came out of my Paranoia. Anxiety remained till 2020 end until I made my social media (sort of #MeToo) confession. (The other two traumatic experiences were regarding some high-stake threats and a very obvious but heartbreaking break up. It's difficult to deal with things when everything comes upon you at the same time).</p><p>Now I get occasional anxious thoughts which is an overthinking spiral during decision-making. Like the one I got when I was deciding which house to shift to. Damn, those days I wouldn't let anyone in my family or close friends circle to sleep in peace. I would give them constant updates and ask questions and suggestions.</p><p>It is okay to ask for advice but what builds anxiety is the fear that there could be a right decision and then there could be a wrong decision. During the episodes in 2018, I blamed myself that I should have known better or I should have been safer, not loud, unseen, invisible, dressed in salwar kameez, not hanging out with male friends, etc so much (typical victim blaming) that I started brewing this subconscious feeling that life would punish me cruelly for taking any misstep.</p><p>Of course, learning to read Tarot, later in 2020, for myself and others helped me take the decision that was most aligned for my highest good. </p><p>I realized life was better before 2018 because I didn't fear any choices or decisions. I knew then, what I have to remind myself now, that life doesn't want to punish you for choosing one choice over the other. Every choice just creates a new path for you. It's like a fork in the road and you choose one path and then you meet another fork, and you again choose one more path. No choices are wrong. Every choice is a bend in the road, your life an accumulation of these bends. You choose at the moment with what you feel will give you a rewarding journey.</p><p>The fault is when we assume there won't be any further choices to make, any more forks on the road, or any more bends in the path. When we are overthinking, we end up feeling that there is a right road and a wrong road and we have to somehow figure out which is the right one and we will be trapped for life there. As if these choices are not roads but prisons. We fear our choices would be life sentences, something tattooed on your face. Some choices can be like tattoos though like having sex without a condom in the US and then being stuck with a child you can't afford or raise forever. But then there will be choices afterwards like getting laser removal done (or like whether to put the child for adoption or seek funds to raise them, etc). I know it is a horrible example but an effective one because when we overthink we end up thinking the worst ideas.</p><p>All I am really saying is what I consciously remind myself - that my choices and decisions are for the moment or for a certain phase of life. It is not a life sentence. It is not an enclosure I can't get out of if I want to. That I will get to make choices again, and again.</p><p>When I had planned to take a career break, all I wanted at that time was rest, relaxation, 6 months of peace without worrying what I should be doing in life, without worrying whether the next job/role would be the one I will retire from, whether the next person I meet would be the one I will marry for life, whether the next location I live in would be where I settle forever. (There has always been this unsaid pressure to marry, to settle, to buy a house, to buy a car after I turned 28.)</p><p>Now that I have only two months left, some things have changed totally. I had decided I would leave the house after August, and then shift to the city I get my next job in. But with the abrupt shift in my house, a new door of possibility has opened- the sheer beauty of uncertainty that I may live here for 11 months as mentioned in the rent agreement or for three months as I had planned before or maybe six months to try out some other things I wanted to do. When nothing is certain, anything is possible. :-)</p><p>Maybe this is what life is- you plan for something and someday, and then something else happens before the someday. The best things in my life were never planned - my Tarot reading services, my intuitive counseling and coaching program, the New Products role I had gotten at Coke and then worked in and loved, my Poetry Books that became bestsellers, even my book Between Us was just supposed to be an ebook only which was later selected by NotionPress for complimentary paperback printing.</p><p>So, the best thing I can do again is what I did in March and April 2022- to live in the moment and see where life goes. It might mean a job in Gurgaon when it comes, a project in Mumbai, or even going back to my room in my parents' house. Life happens in the moment and by worrying about the future, we forget to enjoy the present. A healer friend of mine, MP, who was earlier a Cancer research intern says - Ye "by the way" hi life hota hai. (Reference: Think of updating your friends with a "BTW this happened).</p><p>Life is indeed about the journey than the destination. The destination is common and is death. Life is everything that happens in between. Imagine getting everything you want. What next? You still have to live it or enjoy it or try for something else.</p><p>I forget it sometimes, so I have to write it down here. If you forget it sometimes, you can read this post. <3</p><p>Remember the poem <a href="https://poets.org/poem/relax" target="_blank">Relax</a> by Ellen Bass or the Buddhist story she refers to?</p><p><i>"<span style="background-color: white; color: #343434; font-family: "Poets Electra", Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 17.6px; text-indent: -32px;">There’s a Buddhist story of a woman chased by a tiger.</span></i></p><i><span class="long-line" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #343434; display: inline-block; font-family: "Poets Electra", Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 17.6px; margin-left: 32px; text-indent: -32px;">When she comes to a cliff, she sees a sturdy vine</span><br style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #343434; font-family: "Poets Electra", Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 17.6px;" /><span class="long-line" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #343434; display: inline-block; font-family: "Poets Electra", Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 17.6px; margin-left: 32px; text-indent: -32px;">and climbs half way down.</span></i><div><span class="long-line" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #343434; display: inline-block; font-family: "Poets Electra", Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 17.6px; margin-left: 32px; text-indent: -32px;"><i><br /></i></span></div><div><i><span class="long-line" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #343434; display: inline-block; font-family: "Poets Electra", Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 17.6px; margin-left: 32px; text-indent: -32px;">But there’s also a tiger below.</span><br style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #343434; font-family: "Poets Electra", Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 17.6px;" /><span class="long-line" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #343434; display: inline-block; font-family: "Poets Electra", Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 17.6px; margin-left: 32px; text-indent: -32px;">And two mice—one white, one black—scurry out</span><br style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #343434; font-family: "Poets Electra", Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 17.6px;" /><span class="long-line" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #343434; display: inline-block; font-family: "Poets Electra", Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 17.6px; margin-left: 32px; text-indent: -32px;">and begin to gnaw at the vine.</span></i></div><div><span class="long-line" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #343434; display: inline-block; font-family: "Poets Electra", Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 17.6px; margin-left: 32px; text-indent: -32px;"><i><br /></i></span></div><div><i><span class="long-line" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #343434; display: inline-block; font-family: "Poets Electra", Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 17.6px; margin-left: 32px; text-indent: -32px;">At this point</span><br style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #343434; font-family: "Poets Electra", Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 17.6px;" /><span class="long-line" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #343434; display: inline-block; font-family: "Poets Electra", Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 17.6px; margin-left: 32px; text-indent: -32px;">she notices a wild strawberry growing from a crevice.</span></i></div><div><div style="text-indent: -32px;"><span style="color: #343434; font-family: Poets Electra, Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="font-size: 17.6px;"><i><br /></i></span></span></div><i><span class="long-line" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #343434; display: inline-block; font-family: "Poets Electra", Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 17.6px; margin-left: 32px; text-indent: -32px;">She looks up, down, at the mice.</span><br style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #343434; font-family: "Poets Electra", Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 17.6px;" /><span class="long-line" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #343434; display: inline-block; font-family: "Poets Electra", Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 17.6px; margin-left: 32px; text-indent: -32px;">Then she eats the strawberry.</span></i></div><div><div style="text-indent: -32px;"><span style="color: #343434; font-family: Poets Electra, Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="font-size: 17.6px;"><i><br /></i></span></span></div><i><span class="long-line" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #343434; display: inline-block; font-family: "Poets Electra", Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 17.6px; margin-left: 32px; text-indent: -32px;">So here’s the view, the breeze, the pulse</span><br style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #343434; font-family: "Poets Electra", Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 17.6px;" /><span class="long-line" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #343434; display: inline-block; font-family: "Poets Electra", Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 17.6px; margin-left: 32px; text-indent: -32px;">in your throat.</span></i></div><div><span class="long-line" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #343434; display: inline-block; font-family: "Poets Electra", Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 17.6px; margin-left: 32px; text-indent: -32px;"><i><br /></i></span></div><div><i><span class="long-line" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #343434; display: inline-block; font-family: "Poets Electra", Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 17.6px; margin-left: 32px; text-indent: -32px;">Your wallet will be stolen, you’ll get fat,</span><br style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #343434; font-family: "Poets Electra", Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 17.6px;" /><span class="long-line" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #343434; display: inline-block; font-family: "Poets Electra", Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 17.6px; margin-left: 32px; text-indent: -32px;">slip on the bathroom tiles of a foreign hotel</span><br style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #343434; font-family: "Poets Electra", Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 17.6px;" /><span class="long-line" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #343434; display: inline-block; font-family: "Poets Electra", Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 17.6px; margin-left: 32px; text-indent: -32px;">and crack your hip.</span></i></div><div><span class="long-line" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #343434; display: inline-block; font-family: "Poets Electra", Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 17.6px; margin-left: 32px; text-indent: -32px;"><i><br /></i></span></div><div><span class="long-line" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #343434; display: inline-block; font-family: "Poets Electra", Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 17.6px; margin-left: 32px; text-indent: -32px;"><i>You’ll be lonely.</i></span></div><div><div style="text-indent: -32px;"><span style="color: #343434; font-family: Poets Electra, Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="font-size: 17.6px;"><i><br /></i></span></span></div><i><span class="long-line" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #343434; display: inline-block; font-family: "Poets Electra", Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 17.6px; margin-left: 32px; text-indent: -32px;">Oh, taste how sweet and tart</span><br style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #343434; font-family: "Poets Electra", Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 17.6px;" /><span class="long-line" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #343434; display: inline-block; font-family: "Poets Electra", Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 17.6px; margin-left: 32px; text-indent: -32px;">the red juice is, how the tiny seeds</span><br style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #343434; font-family: "Poets Electra", Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 17.6px;" /><span class="long-line" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #343434; display: inline-block; font-family: "Poets Electra", Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 17.6px; margin-left: 32px; text-indent: -32px;">crunch between your teeth."</span></i></div>Sanhita Baruahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08017993703409422805noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1721434822746084249.post-81051089790855571992022-06-30T00:50:00.001+05:302022-06-30T00:50:03.830+05:30My Comfort Zone was Killing me Slowly so I shifted to the House of Discomfort<p> Only someone who observed me as closely and for long as my mother would know how I deliberately put myself in difficult positions to get a desired outcome.</p><p>When I was in my fourth year of engineering, and already placed in a job which I would eventually join after college, I still tutored students of class Xth on Physics and Math as early as 7.30am in the morning on Sundays. Our neighbours were surprised to see a young girl who should be enjoying her off days, waking up early in the morning to tutor kids, but both my Mom and I knew it was a choice rather than a need.</p><p>The money I earned from tutoring helped me buy things for myself like the guitar I never learned to play or the expensive lunches at Mainland China more often, while my other classmates ate at Dhabas and Canteens and Dominos and KFCs of the city.</p><p>The preparation I had to do for each class I taught made me relearn the concepts of Physics and Math, and made me better in communication- something I knew would eventually help me crack the CAT exam which I would appear for after two years of working the job I would join (Common Admission Test for MBA in India).</p><p>That was the plan then. And I knew, although I am a self-motivated worker when it comes to assigned projects at school and at the workplace, I always had desires beyond the four walls of the college or any workplace, and to achieve them I needed to work harder. And I always have very less motivation to work harder. I am one of those people who won't bat an eyelid if they could, and those who get out of the bed only if the building was on fire.</p><p>I need to put my ass on fire to get such things done by myself. I hadn't studied for any of the engineering exams until it was the end of April and Dad declared I'd not be admitted in any private college or anywhere outside the city if I don't get through engineering. I proposed I'd join a bank job without a bachelor's degree but he said no to that too. In about half a month, I had to prepare myself for the engineering exam conducted by the state. I did and finally got through that one. The lazy Taurean in me keeps needing such sticks, such not-so-gentle reminders, to get my act together.</p><p>It's been so many years and I realize some things never change. I left my job so that I set my own ass on fire to do something else, something that would make me feel great about going to work every day, and something that would make life worth living, something my soul would appreciate. The first option was to finish writing my novel. If not now, then when? The story is getting older than I am.</p><p>I did work on the novel and resumed some secret blogging too. Blogging helped me clear my mind. And completing the basic draft of the novel made me realize I am very close to actually finish writing it. Realizing that made me slack in May and June. Maybe because if I actually finish writing it, I would have to finally figure my career out. And that would take my honeymoon period away from me.</p><p>And talking of honeymoon period, May and June have been nothing less. I have been living in this large 2BHK in the outskirts of Bangalore close to the airport for about three years now. When I had entered the house back in 2019, I thought it would be a short stay so I hadn't bought a lot of furniture. But once the lockdowns and WFH started, I realized home is not just a part of the bed where you sleep and a corner where you read a book, but more than that when you spend longer hours inside the house without work-travels or office commute. I furnished the house. My house opens up to a terrace that gives me the views of both sunrises and sunsets. The furniture in my house became too comfortable. I started loving the house so much that every time I go out for a vacation or to my parents' place, I would regret that my house remained unutilized.</p><p>I had no idea how people dropped everything in a heartbeat at the news of the lockdown and rushed to their parents' places. Maybe they weren't as attached to their city spaces or freedom as I was. Or maybe they never built homes out of the houses they shared with a flatmate. I always knew I never wanted a flatmate,</p><p>And even though my home for the past three years served me more than well when I was in my regular job and also doing Tarot Readings on the side, the comfort kind of became too much for me in May and June. I started taking naps in the day time that would often go longer. I started sleeping till late. I stopped writing as frequently as I was in April. I slacked to the point I would do nothing but just sleep and eat all day. Even reading was slower. To be fair to myself I did read a lot of books in May, but not as much in June.</p><p>So I created circumstances so that I don't keep lazying around about the house for six months and more and exhaust all my savings. I decided to shift to a smaller house closer to the city.</p><p>There are some perks here. The closer I am to the happening places of the city, the less time and money I waste in reaching them for leisure or meet-ups. The closer I am to people the more business I can get for all the energy work I do. The smaller the house I move in, the more reasons I get to purge the entire house and get rid of things I don't really need. I did Marie Kondo my clothes and bags and shoes back in March, but a lot of other things remained like kitchen items and misc objects. I purged them last night as I packed my belongings to shift. I want to practice minimalism big time but I am a victim of material attachment like a typical Taurean.</p><p>There were other perks I had thought of. I decided that if I move to a house I am not very comfortable with, maybe I would finally gather the courage to leave all my other belongings to and go live in Goa or somewhere I haven't lived in before. All this while, my very comfortable 1500sq ft Terrace House was stopping me from doing this.</p><p>I remember when I had joined my first job in Hyderabad, it was only three months when one of the Directors had asked the batch on who would be interested to join a new project in Mumbai. I was the first one to raise my hand. GC followed. And after much thought and deliberation, 8 other batchmates submitted their names by the end of the week. I hadn't thought much on how difficult it would be to move out of Hyderabad and to a new city to settle there. I just knew that Mumbai seemed like a great option and I would like to go there.</p><p>But today, I do think a lot. Maybe at that time since it was only three months in Hyderabad, I was ready to move out. I hardly had a lot of belongings. Even when moving out of Mumbai, I had sold my the few pieces of furniture I had overnight. But I am a grown woman now who spent a lot of time working from home, from her comfortable space. I can't bear the thought of moving to another city apart from Bangalore. Few days back I couldn't bear the thought of moving out of the house too. But I forced myself to do the same, so that I can explore some more parts of the country or the world while I still can, while my stamina and energy still allows me to. Otherwise I would soon become a couch potato and eventually, a couch.</p><p>As much as I love comfort zones, I hate what comfort zones do to me- they make me lazy enough to detest myself.</p><p>I shifted the house today. And the sad part is it is shitty as hell. It is so shitty that it has actually served its purpose. The rooms are so small that I would have no choice but to leave the bed and go to the lounge and sit near my study table to write. The entire house is so unattractive that I would have to travel far and away for a good vacation where I want to spend some quality time with my books or the nature. The entire house is so small that I have to let go of my belongings. Either I would sell them or purge them even further. Even the lounge is so small that I would have to go out to a cafe or co-working space to write or do my healing work. In short, I am no longer in my comfort zone and hence, my comfort can not kill me any further, it cannot make me lazy, it cannot make me detest myself.</p><p>The saddest part is it is difficult as hell. It's so difficult that I want to cry my eyes out, and book myself a truck to go back to previous house. I am only restraining myself somehow. Life would have been amazingly great if I could live in the same house and still go travel around, or sit in cafes, or get coworking space for my work. It would have been ideal and I would have been well settled. But maybe, as usual, I have desires beyond the four walls of the big house I lived in, and to achieve those I need to create situations that make me or otherwise I never move. When the Universe doesn't push me, I push my own self.</p><p>I want to see the world. When I say I want to see the world I don't mean to touch every country, but to touch many lives, to meet new people, keep going to new places, keep living in new places, one after the other.</p><p>And I cannot let my comfort zone stop me from experiencing all of life - the ups, the downs, the big houses, the small ones, the quiet towns, the busy cities, the mountains and the beaches. I hope I can only push myself further to see more than what I have seen so far (and I have seen a lot), to experience more than I can imagine, and live a full life.</p><p><b style="background-color: white; color: #202124; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;">A ship in harbour is safe, but that is not what ships are built for</b><span style="background-color: white; color: #202124; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;">. </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #202124; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"><i>John A Shedd 1928.</i></span></p><p><span style="background-color: white; color: #202124; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"><i><br /></i></span></p><p><span style="background-color: white; color: #202124; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"><i>(Do you think my blog posts should be a newsletter? If not, what do you think I should write about in my newsletter?)</i></span></p>Sanhita Baruahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08017993703409422805noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1721434822746084249.post-9831484063484991422022-06-22T00:01:00.001+05:302022-06-22T00:01:01.537+05:30Curious Case of the Open BackdoorWhat does a backdoor mean to you?<div><br /></div><div>In matters related to computers, a backdoor is something that breaches security measures and accesses private data without your permission- some means hackers would use.</div><div><br /></div><div>In matters of real estate, a backdoor is a door at the rear end of a house or building. Leaving it open would often mean keeping the house insecure as one would seldom be guarding that end unless when close to it. Leaving it open would also give one the chance to run away from the backdoor when someone uninvited unwanted is at the front door.</div><div><br /></div><div>So, what does backdoor mean when it comes to your life goals?</div><div>It's something on the similar lines-</div><div>Every time you devise a plan B, you are creating a backdoor in your life and leaving it open.</div><div><br /></div><div>Your life goals could be anything - that career option, that job offer, that relationship, that marriage proposal, that transfer letter, anything significant, and anything that makes you wonder how it would turn out, anything where the future is uncertain.</div><div><br /></div><div>What happens when we devise a plan B? We create a sense of security that if our plan A fails, we have plan B to fall upon. People with some amount of anxiety like myself would even devise a plan C, D, E and what not. We are the people who pack more than one pair of trousers for our 2-day trip to a nearby place to accommodate a what-if scenario. What if the pair of trousers I plan to wear gets torn or soiled somehow. So of course I would pack an extra pair of sandals, extra t-shirts, extra brasserie, extra underwear, extra everything. I would end up carrying the kind of luggage I needed not to in the first place. Most of the clothes would return back to the closet without ever been worn.</div><div><br /></div><div>Sometimes we end up carrying invisible emotional baggage with us in a similar way. These aren't the baggage of your past hurts or relationships. These are baggage of fears and what ifs. These are questions that go like this- What if we fail at plan A? What would be our safety net? Who would catch us?</div><div><br /></div><div>But what's wrong in that, you may ask. What can possibly be wrong with being a little prudent and making plans for a rainy day.</div><div><br /></div><div>Well, there isn't anything wrong in it, except that when you buy too much into your own BS, you end up creating it. If I may explain, it is okay to pack an extra pair of trousers or know what you would do if your plan A fails and then forget about it. But it is not okay to keep repeating to yourself about your plan B or that extra pair of trousers. The more you reassure yourself that you have a plan B, the more you remind your subconscious mind about the plan B, and the more you would end up creating circumstances so that plan B happens a reality. Eventually, in reality plan A fails nevertheless, and you fall on plan B just like you had planned. </div><div><br /></div><div>What would happen if instead of plan B, you let the Universe catch you? What would happen if you shut your backdoor?</div><div>Maybe plan A would then succeed. Or something even better than plan A could happen.</div><div>Maybe now you could walk in and out of the front door without fear of thieves, intruders, unwanted visitors or nosy neighbours.</div><div>Maybe now you finally don't hide yourself or plan to escape because you are no longer afraid to be see because you know the Universe has your back.</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>Sanhita Baruahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08017993703409422805noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1721434822746084249.post-29711491311190510862022-05-19T16:57:00.005+05:302022-05-19T16:57:45.845+05:30Creating with No Form, No Structure, No SignificanceWhen I wrote the title of this blogpost the only thing I could think of is water.<div>There would be many quotes on the internet asking you to be like water, to change your shape according to situations.</div><div>Like water, you can change your taste too based on what you are mixed with. You see, how you connect to different people from varied backgrounds but gel with them like you were born to gel with them, connect with the things that match and simply allow them to be different from you in their own ways without making the difference too significant. That's how I meet people, speak to them, I have different kinds of friends, from almost different worlds, and every one meets a different version of me that way.</div><div><br /></div><div>A practical thought process to imbibe the philosophical perspective of being like water is to have no form, no structure, no significance. I could say these three words, and people may contract wondering how can we have no form, no structure or no significance when everyone wants to be significant?</div><div><br /></div><div>Think closer, and you'll find it is only your ego talking and not your higher self or your soul.</div><div><br /></div><div>Think of the word "higher self" or "soul".</div><div>Sit with the word for a second.</div><div>What do you feel?</div><div>An ever expansive energy that won't have a shape and would probably reflect all colours of the rainbow in different times. Each colour would actually be reflecting the chakra you are operating. I am purple as I write this. Yes, the crown chakra. Yes, manifestations and higher wisdom.</div><div><br /></div><div>Many a times, we make things too significant for our own good. We make our wants too significant without acknowledging that what happens in and around us is exactly what's needed for our soul to grow and expand.</div><div><br /></div><div>By having no form, we allow our bodies to grow thicker or thinner based on the needs of the body in different climates, in different geographies, based on its intake and the output expected out of it. The cells in the body are far more intelligent than we are that way. It gives what you need. I write this as I gain 2 more kgs in the last couple of days. Some lack of uninterrupted sleep, some input of sweet desserts, some lack of physical activity- everything has contributed to this. We would want to make ourselves wrong for gaining the weight without acknowledging how our lifestyle and recent choices contribute to it. By sticking to this number then we stop allowing the body to gain more or lose more as is required for it to function at its best. But what if we start allowing it to function the way it feels right to? Your body has been supporting your mind and soul from so many years, digesting the food you gave it, breathing in oxygen, walking for miles with you, and what not. Give it some credit that it knows what it is supposed to do. Give it some rest when it wants to. And give it some physical activity when it asks for it. By having no form, you stop sticking to the number on the weighing scale, you stop considering yourself as fat or thin or slim or hot or sexy. Somedays I feel thin, somedays I feel fat. Both days, I would allow my body what it asks from me by being in communion with it.</div><div><br /></div><div>By having no structure, I allow myself to expand to different situations, I shape myself to different needs. Somedays a writer that needs nature to write creatively, somedays a sales and marketing professional that needs a laptop to type some numbers on the excel sheet. We adjust. We change shapes. We allow ourselves to redefine ourselves, every year, every month, every day.</div><div><br /></div><div>Lastly, no significance. This is a big one. Sometimes we make things too significant for our own good. By learning to let things go I learn to not make them significant, not expand them out of proportion. Little conversations, things, and days that don't go your way- you can let them go.</div><div>There is a quote by Richard Bach from Illusions which is one of my favourites where the Messiah is teaching the protagonist to remove actual clouds in the sky. He says, "If you really want to remove a cloud from your life, you do not make a big production out of it, you just relax and remove it from your thinking. That's all there is to it."</div><div>That's how you make things insignificant. If we don't like something, why should we make it significant by talking about it or living it every day?</div><div><br /></div><div>To want to be water, and knowing not how to, we can incorporate these three simple questions in life-</div><div>1. Am I making it more significant than it needs to be?</div><div>2. Am I giving it a rigid structure that doesn't allow it to change in the future?</div><div>3. Am I so fixated on how something should look like or feel like that I am not allowing it to morph in the future?</div><div><br /></div><div>When it comes to career, relationships, geographies, we forget to be like water. We want things to look like and feel like exactly how we imagine them to be. But when you truly create something you don't decide the outcome, you just create. The most magical creation is probably the birth of a child. You don't engage in an act of intercourse and expect exactly a boy or a girl who would have the father's eyes and the mother's nose and so on. You engage in the act and let things unfold in its own way. You don't create with a lot of expectations with the outcome. You create because you can, because you want to. And when the child is born and you know the gender, you allow the child enough to choose his/her sexuality or gender or partner or clothes or career as they grow up. That's the true beauty of life and creation of life. Then, why are we so worried.</div><div><br /></div><div>Be like water, so that you don't have to go with the flow, you are the flow.</div><div><br /></div><div>The subconscious mind is a wonderland and I am having a lot of fun working with it from the past two years. :-)</div><div><br /></div><div>(In the next post I want to write about how we give reasons which are merely excuses. You want to do something, you do it. Reasons and justifications are not required. My reasons are just my excuse to what I wanted to do anyway.)</div>Sanhita Baruahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08017993703409422805noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1721434822746084249.post-20487648219816775582022-05-14T13:30:00.003+05:302022-05-14T13:30:43.406+05:30Sprinkling Some Hope and Courage<p> I need to write this. Because I think I got my mojo back today. It was away from the last couple of weeks. I have been unwell when I was in Guwahati. And then I was in Jaipur and feeling weak.</p><p>*</p><p><i>Life Update: 5th May 2022</i></p><p>No wonder parents keep asking me how is my health when I am away. That's because every time I am home I somehow fall sick and weak. It's almost like a valiant soldier coming back from battling the world to his mother and then trying to lay his head on her lap, saying, "I am tired."</p><p>*</p><p>It's either my Bangalore home that puts me back in the driving seat and lets me be in my element, or just the freedom of living alone and day dreaming or dancing around that makes me feel so good. Or it's just that I am doing good work again.</p><p>Every time I counsel people I love it so much. I feel good for serving humanity, being of use to people. I do feel this is my purpose - to make an impact, one life at a time, and hence, to touch many lives during my time in the world.</p><p>I remember standing up and saying this in the auditorium in my first few days of college when an external speaker had asked what's our life purpose, in MDI Gurgaon. I said I want to touch many lives as possible. A guy sitting in the row behind mine said, "she just wants to touch". Of course, I felt bad about my image there just because I was outspoken or I laughed at non-veg jokes without necessarily meaning anything. How petty! The internet belongs to people like me. And maybe that's why I have more writer friends than typical MBA friends. I hardly belong anywhere. I hardly belonged to my school, my engineering college, my MBA college, both the workplaces I worked in. Being a misfit and a lone wolf everywhere feels good. You become the main character of your own book.</p><p>But every time I counsel people, I feel like I belong. I belong to the higher dimension I mostly stay afloat in. I belong to the beauty and goodness of the world I often see.</p><p> They say if it's your calling it will keep calling you.</p><p>And I need to write this because I don't know if it was last night or today morning when I was wondering what would happen if I exhaust my savings account or don't get another job I want when I start trying for one. I wondered if I start looking for a job in September, how long will it take for me to land one? The biggest hindrance is that I wouldn't settle for any job. I would always go for a role I enjoy doing or I like doing. My therapist and friends tell me that no matter how hard you work, you will only get your salary, a few words of appreciation and maybe a promotion after years. Most promotions happen anyway, just because you are due or because you know people. But the heart in my heart knows I like doing meaningful work and putting dedicated efforts. And even though I keep saying that I will look for a job, maybe I really won't.</p><p>The ideal case would be to have ten businesses around, some active income and some passive income.</p><p>It's difficult to stay in high vibrations all the time. Sometimes I worry that I don't worry enough. Everyone else keeps worrying about my savings or my income. It might be their projection too. I remember I was fine when all my salary would go straight to the credit card bill back in 2015. I was happy and doing everything I like even then. I will be fine in the future too. This time I am wiser and more experienced.</p><p>If I exist only in the present, and don't have to put the pressure of my MBA degree on myself, I think I would be doing what I am doing. I deserve this period of sacred pause. There is not much pause though. I am discovering I am very close to finishing my novel. Finishing the novel itself would be an amazing task achievement. And then I absolutely love to counsel people.</p><p>I had an epiphany today. I wanted to take a normal psychology course. But people come to me because they can trust me, they come to me for my maturity and wisdom, they come to me because they need help and I can help them, they come to me for intuitive guidance and support and I give them that. Then why would I again want to blend in the crowd with a normal psychology course that dangles people for years and doesn't empower them enough. It's good to express your feelings and find your limiting beliefs but a lot of work needs to be done after that too. My intuitive spiritual counseling provides all this and in a faster manner too. So I guess I won't choose that. I already know most of the topics in the course.</p><p>I want to go for higher studies but hopefully something with neuromarketing or neuroscience and research. I remember I loved this topic even when I was in MDI, back in 2015. I spoke about neuromarketing books in one of my interviews too. They must have thought this girl is in another trajectory altogether. I am. And I am still hooked to the idea. If it's your calling it will keep calling you.</p><p>Life unfolds in beautiful and unexpected ways. Nothing was ever planned. But we can always connect the dots later. I remember, as a child, I wrote a small article on motivation and put my autograph on it in the end. I was probably 5-7 years old. And then, I wrote a motivational speech when I was 13 years old and I was too young to deliver it in the morning assembly. Only the 16-17 year olds would do that. I never even asked anyone. I self-rejected myself considering I was too young.</p><p>What I should not do currently is to again self-reject myself thinking I am too young or naive or this or that to do what I am doing. My books are contributing to the lives of thousands of people. My counseling will soon be contributing to 100s of people. It's around 80 clients so far. Those people can't be wrong. I can't be wrong. In Suresh sir's language, when the pearl decides to be within the oyster, it steals the world of its beauty and gifts. In Swami Pillai's words, why would I be so selfish that I want to hide my gifts from the world. And in Gaurav Da's words, every time I choose to show up in the world, I change the world. That's what I want- to leave the world a better place than I found it.</p><p>I used to do it then and I am doing it now. And I love my work. What's stopping me from doing this full time is my own inhibition and fears.</p><p>Yesterday, Paromita messaged me out of nowhere that she is manifesting 100 dollars a day for me. She is so older to me, she has no business appreciating my work and yet she does. She says I put healing people above the money I receive for it, that I am dedicated to my client's healing and growth. It's nice to be recognized by someone so senior who has been doing this from years now and sees me as a friend. It's beautiful. I am only lucky to have found so many beautiful people beyond my workplace.</p><p>So what energy, space, consciousness, choice, magic, miracles, possibilities can me and my body be now to create the life I desire with total ease? What else can I do now? What else is possible now?</p><p>If it's your calling it will keep calling you. People are showing up without me doing any cold-calls or pitches. People show up only because I exist and they remember me.</p><p>Today seems to be a beautiful day to instill hope in myself again. I have to create my own domain and make my blog, work on my novel, work on my social media content. Nothing will be accomplished in a day. But it's a good day to start. And I think this blog starts things well.</p>Sanhita Baruahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08017993703409422805noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1721434822746084249.post-70813217668866769742022-05-06T23:09:00.002+05:302022-05-09T22:30:01.105+05:30Of Bir, and Being, and Being Too Good for Your Own Good<p><i><u>Diary Entry : 21st April 2022</u></i></p><p>I had a feeling I wanted to go check out Deer Park Institute in Bir, Himachal Pradesh. I booked the hostel closest to it. I ended up extending my stay for one day and then for another and so on for a week.</p><p>I am lucky to find a good dorm-mate here. She is 24 years old and a fellow traveler with a backpack. No, we are not tourists devouring each and every place we have to see. We are doing what we are supposed to be doing and that's "be"-ing - simply being. "Il bel far niente" - Italian for the beauty of doing nothing, also called "dolce bel far niente" - the sweet beauty of doing nothing.</p><p>We are never not doing anything though. We are visiting cafes, working, writing, meditating, talking, joking, teaching and learning.</p><p>A new discussion arose yesterday and it's a personal favourite enough for me to talk about.</p><p>In a nutshell: "We want everything that the rich people have but our roots and surroundings are middle-class."</p><p>*</p><p><i><u><b>Blog: 5th May 2022</b></u></i></p><p>I wish I remembered more of our conversations but I don't. If only I could have recorded them. But the gist of everything remains the same.</p><p>I entered the hostel dormitory with my huge bagpack and chose the bed I felt was the best in the room - upper bunk, window on the side with the view of the hills and a probable morning sunrise.</p><p>There was only one more person at that time in the dorm built for six. We introduced ourselves. Z is a content writer for Ayurveda and a Spanish teacher for American clients. We talk of writing and our objectives from the place that seemed similar at the moment - solo traveling, self-reflection, time for writing, wanderlust over tourism. We decided to freshen up and grab some breakfast. She had just woken up and I had just arrived.</p><p>"I forgot to ask, what are your pronouns?" She asked me non-chalantly.</p><p>The world had changed so much in the past two years, I thought to myself. "She/her." I answered, and hesitated to ask hers. "I am going to assume yours is the same."</p><p>"Yes."</p><p>The best thing about having her around was that we both shared our stories of wacky adventures of solo traveling abroad, and none of us had to feel bad about it because both of us had amazing experiences. Hers were in Latin America and mine across Europe. Often with my college friends I would feel like an outsider when I would want to share the amazing travel stories I have. Some people wouldn't relate or would feel inferior enough to call me a "show-off" and I would have to finally shut up wondering if I was one. These are fun adventures that fill my life with happiness.</p><p>Z talks of her achievements and work in the Spanish Embassy representing India. I feel nothing but impressed. With every experience of hers I could find a similar anecdote in mine. I would share that, we would laugh. I was telling her of my experience of tutoring kids of class 9 and 10 when I was in college to which she reacts,</p><p>"I am sorry can I ask what age you are?"</p><p>"Umm... take a guess."</p><p>"26?"</p><p>"Haha! I am 30."</p><p>"Oh, thank God! Because I was wondering how did you do so many things in so little time."</p><p>Ouch! I often forget I am no girl in her 20s anymore. I have lived long and by the time she reaches my age, she would have achieved much more than what I have. I immediately develop an elder sisterly feeling towards her. I become protective of her, tell her some do's and don'ts of life.</p><p>We talk of therapy and therapists. She shares her on-going experience and therapy goals. I nod. Been there, done that!</p><p>Neither of us needed therapy. Yet she goes to a counsellor and I went to one on need basis. We talk to our therapists like equals, like friends, in the sense we give them validation or crack jokes on them too.</p><p>We both agreed on two things:</p><p>1. We are just paying people to listen to us go on and on.</p><p>2. We have to go seek therapy because those around us who really need it, don't.</p><p>*</p><p>The next time we go out to a cafe, we talk of sexuality and relationships.</p><p>Z has never been in a serious relationship and is worried how she'd be perceived because of it. Classic Phoebe from the sitcom Friends!</p><p>She is bi-sexual, and wants to declare herself pan-sexual to be accepting of all genders.</p><p>"Then why did you not hit on me?" I asked, almost feeling like I was betrayed. I don't know how I felt so entitled to ask her that and put her in a spot like that. "What's wrong with me?"</p><p>"No, nothing's wrong with you." (Of course, she was going to reassure me later in the day that I was cute and all.)</p><p>"I think life would be so easy if I were a lesbian. You get more emotional support from women than men can ever give. If you get the option, marry a girl instead of a guy, please!" I instruct her.</p><p>We pause and take sips from our respective cups of coffee. I go back to my book. She looks outside at the flowers of the nearest tree. </p><p>"Do you ever get the feeling that if you really gel well with someone you can never date them?" I look up from my book and ask her.</p><p>"Yes. Because if you date them, when you break up with them, you lose them." She answers.</p><p>"Some of my closest friends are guys. They are single, will be loyal, working well, and compatible with me. But I can't even think of dating them. Logically, it makes sense to marry them. All my female friends would nudge me to. But I can't. So, I understand that you didn't hit on me. Just saying."</p><p>"But it's also toxic, na?"</p><p>"I know."</p><p>"Not dating the one with whom everything is easy and the discussions happen well. But dating someone who isn't that great instead and eventually break up because the wavelengths don't match. Sigh."</p><p>"What's also toxic is you believing that anyone you date is eventually going to break up with you." I reminded her like the good counsellor I was, guessing already what she would eventually confess to.</p><p>"Yes, I need to get out of that mindset. This is why I never had any serious relationship in the first place."</p><p>*</p><p>The day after that we go to the Nyingma café to try some local delicacies (Tingmo and Datsi) and work. Instead of working, we talk. This time we talk of marriage and kids.</p><p>"There is no need for me to get married. I don't have to get married. So, I'll marry only if I want to." I explain things well. I have explained this to so many people by now.</p><p>"Same. I will marry only if I want to. But I so badly want to be a mother. I will adopt a kid for sure. I will be a single mother."</p><p>I tell her about this amazing woman I know, divorced, 42, who adopts a little baby girl who has my heart.</p><p>"Most times, I feel I don't want to marry because I don't want to be the mother of two kids. So, why should I adopt a husband too? I can't handle two kids." She adds.</p><p>"This is one reason why I broke up with my ex. He was living with his friends as bachelors, partying almost every other day. He would just move from that house to another with his wife where the wife is expected to reduce his drinking, smoking and smoking up. Why would I? And how would I? How am I expected to change myself and him after marriage? What magic does just a ceremony bring in this way? These are just self-created pressures. The sad part is he never understood exactly why would I break up with him when he never cheated on me. But cheating can't be the only thing that breaks a relationship. I could never explain to him all these small things that add up. I tried a lot."</p><p>"They won't understand. Those who don't get what it will never get it." We both sigh as she says this.</p><p>"But I am grown up enough now to know that not every guy is like that. My filter, thus, becomes to not ever date a guy who lives with his parents or other friends. They are mostly going to turn out to be very dependent on the girl to magically take care of them."</p><p>"Hmn,, I am still not there." She admits.</p><p>"You will be." I say and smile. The wiser version of me keeps popping up in all my conversations these days.</p><p>*</p><p>The evening before I was about to leave, Z, A and I had a little party. A is 28 who has done his MBA, is now in IT Pre-Sales.</p><p>A talks of songs and other people in the hostel. Other people who were younger and not as cool as he and Z were. We had a good laugh. When the time came to "cook" and both Z and A failed miserably to firmly use the "chopped vegetables", turns out it was I who made the sleekest finest classiest "sandwich" (in HIMYM lingo). I didn't realize how much more older and experienced I was until that moment.</p><p>The next morning, we are at June 16 café. Z and I talk of the CAA NRC protest passionately, and A decides it's time for him to go out for a bike ride. A and I have a bus for Delhi to catch in the evening. </p><p>After A leaves for his bike ride, we roll our eyes at his ignorance on the nation's political updates and order more coffee.</p><p>We talk of rape, sexual abuse, child abuse. She gives a hint of her past and starts crying. I understand. I too had my past to tell but I avoided sharing. Every woman has that one incident or more. Every woman's privacy has been violated as a child, just in varying degrees. No wonder only women can give the emotional support women need.</p><p>"Someday you will be able to talk of all this without crying," I reassure her.</p><p>"How will I ever have a relationship?" She asks me with tears in her eyes. "How will I find someone and tell him everything I have been through? Will he understand my traumas and know how I should be treated?" </p><p>If it were any other year before 2020 I would have cried for hours with her. I always cry when someone in front of me cries. But I am different now. (Or in Rabia's words, December 2021, I am no longer a spiritual hippie but an Access Woman).</p><p>"You don't need to tell him your traumas," I respond to Z. "Imagine how many people you are going to meet in your life. You can't keep downloading your traumas to everyone you meet and have a relationship with. You have your therapist for that. When you meet people you will meet them for who you are, and who you are in that moment alone. Your past will not matter. Every morning I wake up as a new person and I forget every grudge of yesterday. I allow myself to change every day. Because think of it this way, there will come more moments in life which will be difficult. And to face them, you will need to keep yourself together."</p><p>She wipes her tears with this. But I felt I was asking her to be toxic positive so I explained further, even though I had no choice because I was leaving that evening and when A would be back we wouldn't be able to talk of all this.</p><p>"You see you are hanging out with me from 7 days now, and even you don't know anything more about me or my past or even my family. Not only because I don't share it but because I don't associate myself with my past anymore. I have changed. And I am going to let myself."</p><p>This time she smiled.</p><p>*</p><p>We move on to another café for lunch, passing a monastery on the way.</p><p>Z's mom calls and she spends almost an hour discussing how her cousin has gone rogue. She lives in a joint family setting, in a town just in the outskirts of Lucknow.</p><p>My mom calls me. We have a short call and I confess that I don't feel like leaving this "teerth yatra" I was doing.</p><p>"I am afraid if I come home I will just feel angry and upset and helpless. I am happy here, and wiser too. I don't wanna be anywhere else," I say. </p><p>"If you wanna stay there longer. Just stay there. If you wanna go back to Bangalore, just go there. Everything's fine here." She reassures me with her hyper independence.</p><p>"I will come. I am just afraid I will be angry and that I won't be of any help." I added.</p><p>"I will tell you if any help is required. Don't worry," Mom says.</p><p>Z and I get back to talking to each other again. She tells me how difficult it is to live with some of her family members, how she doesn't want to go back, but she needs to go back. </p><p>I again being the wiser self tell her what I learned about treating everyone in your family as an individual beyond the role they play. There was once a time I couldn't stay at home beyond a week. One week was the sweet time where I could stay and then leave to my respective college/rented place. Two weeks is where the knot breaks and then I have to leave for my respective place anyhow.</p><p>It was only after the pandemic and my energy work/Access, that I could stay comfortably for months without having any fights that would break my hearts and bring me into tears. I don't cry much these days anyway.</p><p>And that's because no matter how much we want to change the toxic parts of our family members, we can't. It's easy to teach a child. How do you teach an adult? The easier and healthier solution becomes to accept them for who they are, respect them for their choices no matter what they are, observe their patterns, understand what their reasons, and trust that they won't change their ways now if they haven't in 50 years. Or at least not because you fought with them or you said so.</p><p>"I have tried so many times in so many ways. Now I just protect my peace. I can stay at home longer. Nothing they say affects me. I seldom feel hurt by anything." I concluded.</p><p>With some thought, I added, "And I am so happy that I received the support from everyone that I needed when I said I would leave my job. That's only because I was at home and they could see my crazy work hours."</p><p>"Wow! I wish I could be this way. I am not. Maybe I will be after my therapy gets over." She acclaims.</p><p>I suddenly a feel a rush of guilt. What was so great about it? I could do anything to be the one in her place crying about my sorrow and being consoled by an older one instead. But like they say, I was the adult in this situation.</p><p>"I wouldn't wish this to anyone. It's great for me and it works for me. But I miss everything. I miss crying, fighting, yelling, being angry, trying hard, pitying myself, sticking to my sad past. I miss the human drama. I look at others feeling sad about something trivial and I feel I wish I could be that. But I am not. And I like the path I chose. But I don't know if I would ask others to be like me."</p><p>We both sigh in silence for a while.</p><p>"You know, my marriage, if I have to marry someone, it would be good. Flawless. Out of pure love. I have seen people get find love at the age of 60. I can wait till I am 60. But I will have a good family and a nice child." Z tells me with child-like enthusiasm.</p><p>At this moment, I have a couple of tears in my eyes. Here's a girl exactly the way I was when I was 24, and I want to protect her at any cost, make her live a normal happy life instead of attracting all the unnecessary struggles of being an outlier that doesn't lead to anything.</p><p>"We are too middle class, Z. No matter how intelligent discussions we have here, we have to deal with middle-class boys partying and laughing at butt jokes, who don't get a thing we are talking about. They didn't grow up with the gender-based challenges we did. They didn't study a thing beyond what was required to score. They just want to go to a job and get married with someone. And we are too far away from the rich ones, who would be privileged enough to be liberal or open-minded or learned as we are, to date any of them. And we wouldn't date the poor guys from very poor families. Trust me, I have met them in life.</p><p>So, if we are the crème of the class, and our inherent patriarchal nature wouldn't let us date someone not as good enough or rich enough as us, imagine how small the pool of dating becomes for us. And the ones who remain in the small pools would be exactly like us. So they would demand the best for themselves which is convenience- someone who cooks for them, looks after their family. And you know, we are so not convenient!" I make this highly logical joke and she laughs.</p><p>"Maybe I will marry a girl instead of a boy." Z says and I back her.</p><p>"Yeah, that's better." I take a pause and start wondering again, "Oh wait, but some girls are bitches too. Many single and career-oriented girls are too." I didn't know what happened to me to be so negative but I just felt like protecting her from the ruthless world of modern dating.</p><p>I always thought I would declare myself an asexual or a lesbian if people keep asking me why I was single at thirty. And here she was, a pansexual, believing that things will look up as she grows older.</p><p>"Here's the thing, Z. We are too wise and aware for our own good. I think it would be fun to be normal, like everyone else, blend in the crowd, do a simple job, get married, have kids, live the way the society wants us too, never look for anything bigger, anything greater...</p><p>But we turned out to be idealistic rebels. We studied too much. We read too many books. We firmed our moral values. We consumed Harry Potter and Agatha Christie. We grew up watching Friends of NY. But we have to go back to living the same life of being in an average Indian society that doesn't accept us with open arms. We are rare. We are talking of therapy in a world that doesn't know mental health. People tell me toxic relationships are normal. They argue with me on this instead...</p><p>You will always have people questioning you why you live the way you live. When you are 30, no matter how many guys you rejected in college, people will feel you are single because something is wrong with you. It's not an easy life. I wish I was more adjusting, dumb, stupid, average, normal."</p><p>"But I don't mind it, Sanhita. I either want good love or nothing at all. Even if that means I turn 60." She knocked her fist on the table.</p><p>I couldn't help but smile. She was exactly like I was.</p><p>"I too love myself and my life the way it is. I wouldn't have it any other way either."</p>Sanhita Baruahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08017993703409422805noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1721434822746084249.post-7173920348563222532022-05-05T01:28:00.002+05:302022-05-05T01:28:31.868+05:30In Sickness and In Wealth | In Poetry and in Possibilities<p>Falling sick leads to resting so long in bed that you can't help but to take a trip down the memory lane. I am out of living-in-the-now moments. My now is the bed and the pillow and the blanket while my Dad turns on the AC in his room. It's summer for them and winter for me. We are in Guwahati. And I am weak after my once-in-a-lifetime 103.6 degree fever. </p><p>(P.S. I didn't take any medicine until the fever subsided to 102.6 and then to 101.4 and finally to 101.2. Since I never get fever easily, and even in covid the maximum fever I got was 101.2, I let my body's natural healing capacity get to work in the unusually high fever. Either that or I would go straight to the hospital to find out the cause. No gulping paracetamol mindlessly to subside the fever when it's something so unusual. Finally I took the paracetamol only when it was the usual 101.2 and to relax the body pains. Don't try this at home alone though. I did this with complete faith in my body and my alternative healing practices.)</p><p>So, I have still been resting from the past three days, not going out, not even out of the room. Past memories are natural to arise. There are two incidences I need to heal from and the work is in progress.</p><p>Here, I want to write, in order to record it forever, something amazing that had happened in 2019. I should have blogged about it then but life was in a rush.</p><p>We often undermine all the amazing things we actually create with our mind and mindset. We forget about it and call it serendipity. But the right mindset is an asset that creates so much more for us.</p><p>It was August 2019 in Bangalore. I had signed myself up for an open-mic poetry event for the first time after shifting to Bangalore. That entire morning I was nervous. I haven't done many open-mics before. My poetry is not very suited for open mics as it is for reading. Fewer similes. More metaphors. I have done recitations before but not the new-age spoken word poetry (which is different than regular poetry or micro poetry).</p><p>Anyway, I spent the entire day nervous and doing nothing. When it was time for me to leave the house for the venue I decided a few things to calm myself down -</p><p>1. I selected two poems from my book The Art of Letting Go and bookmarked the pages so that I don't have to memorize the number and then risk forgetting it on stage.</p><p>2. I decided I would just go and listen to the other poets there with an open mind and heart. I won't compare if they are better than me or younger than me or anything. I won't worry that I was new to the city or going alone or that I am from a small town. I won't feel good or bad if people like my poems or not. I will just go there and observe what Bangalore has in store for poetry.</p><p>With this, I went ahead for the event. It was a beautiful event and I listened to so many poems, all attentively. I sat by myself and didn't bother to forcefully introduce myself to anyone sitting beside me. I observed people- some came by themselves, some came with a bunch of friends. Some were there to recite their poetry and some just to support others. I wish I had such supporters. Even if I do I would never know because I never asked anyone to.</p><p>Anyway, the unexpected result of my no-judgement no-prejudice participation was that by the end of the event people surrounded me to ask about my book. I still considered it only the effect of the book in hand until I came home and saw some great pics and tags for me. Days or months later the host of the event even uploaded a single pic of mine and mentioned the names of the poems I recited. How did she remember? And the fact that she even listened to it in the first place, not just the poems but the titles too?</p><p>I would have never experienced all this if I had just gone there for the purpose of narrating my poetry with a superiority or an inferiority complex. I would have either shown too much attitude and pomp or too much meekness. I feel the open-mind and heart thing helped open doors to serendipitous connections.</p><p>Later the host became an acquaintance. Two years later she became my teacher for a course. And a month later, she called me for advice and suggestions on something.</p><p>This is the power of possibilities. Every time we want things to turn out in a specific way we conclude. Conclusions are restrictive. Conclusions are limiting.</p><p>When we move ahead with an open mind and heart, we open doors to different possibilities we never imagined in the first place. Possibilities are creative. Possibilities are limitless. Possibilities are expansive.</p><p>And when you feel expansive, that's where the real wealth lies. Right riches for you.</p><p>Affirmation: I am willing to receive much more than I can imagine.</p><p>Question: What can this create for me? What is truly possible here? What can I receive here? ( this: any situation you are judging/concluding)</p>Sanhita Baruahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08017993703409422805noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1721434822746084249.post-65775426260048363532022-04-28T23:41:00.004+05:302022-04-28T23:41:37.254+05:30My Five-Year Life Plan<p> I have been doing some thinking, like I always do. And a lot of life consists of reminding yourself of your own roots, on why you started some things at the first place. This not only brings clarity on what you are supposed to be doing but also brings back the motivation you may have had lost in the way.</p><p>Here are a few things I considered while leaving my job. It's time to relook at them while making my decisions.</p><p><u>1. Is this going to matter to me in 5 years?</u></p><p>Anything or anyone who would not matter to me when I turn 35, does not belong to my life. It may mean fair-weather friends. It may mean meaningless job opportunities. It may mean that pancake you want to have or that drink you want to avoid. I want to be asking myself - Is this going to matter to me in 5 years? If the answer is no, then I pass the offer. If the answer is yes, I go ahead.</p><p>For instance, going home at this time of my life is crucial. Practicing my healing services on Dad by hook or by crook is crucial. He needs to boost his body's natural healing process using this services. Last year he neither gave me time nor the opportunity to do the same. This time it is important since he is unwell and still healing with medicines.</p><p>The idea now is that I am going to stay there only for a week. The sense of urgency will make him comply. Beg, borrow, steal! ;-)</p><p>Some job offers/ projects I could pass this way, some projects I could keep. I would like to do meaningful projects when I still have the upper hand with my experience and skill-set.</p><p>Some friendships too. I realized I don't need this big circle. It's not very helpful and just becomes a means to spread gossip about myself instead. Everyone's fighting for themselves. People hardly care about others. Sigh!</p><p><br /></p><p><u>2. Fuck Yes/No or Light/Heavy or Muscle Test</u></p><p>This is my favourite method. Three different philosophies concur here and I follow the energy. How do I make decisions now and know that it is for my highest good.</p><p>Mark Manson Philosophy - Fuck Yes/No - If you don't feel excited about something to the point you want to yell "Fuck Yes!", don't do it. A lukewarm yes is a no. Similarly, when you want to shout "Hell No!" at some offer, it is no for you. You don't have to bring out your pros and cons sheet and do your analysis paralysis. Give it up! What to do if it is a lukewarm yes/no? Give it time. Wait till you get more clarity.</p><p>In terms of leaving my house in Bangalore, I can't imagine paying the huge amount of pending rent I have. But I can't imagine leaving the house so soon and having nowhere to stay by myself. I have started to grow on living by myself. It's liberating. I am more aware of my energies. I do my inner work more actively. It's easier to counsel people energetically/intuitively since there's no one else's energy to mess with. So. I can't imagine leaving the house yet without knowing where I want to stay. Traveling across places is great but it takes a toll on the skin and routines like daily walking or eating healthy. Not that I do, but I intend to do so. So, yes. I don't want to be a nomad. I want to let go of the house but I want to know where would I stay. </p><p>I can live with parents but for the long term it's a no. My friend asked "Do you think you live in the US that you need your own house?" Haha! Maybe western culture has influenced my life choices, or maybe it's my parents who insist on us being independent.</p><p>So, here's my lukewarm situation and I am going to wait for more clarity. I no longer am in a space to discuss things over my morning or evening cup of tea with people I live with. I have somehow become so hyper-independent that that part of me is lost, who would like to spend quality time with people and have conversations. Now I can mostly live without expressing my views or opinions or wants. I also happen to like it this way because of all the energy work or "woo woo" stuff I do. It keeps me protected of unnecessary anxiety or trying to prove myself right or wrong. It's not the best method yet, but I am still learning. It's good for my health as of now but I would have to find my balance.</p><p>Light/Heavy - This is from Access Consciousness. You choose the option that feels light or easy breezy to you when you think of having that option. This does not mean no work or labour. It means no heaviness or stress or anxiety about choosing that option.</p><p>Does liking /flirting with this person feels light to me? Yes. So, I go ahead and do that. Does living with this person feels heavy to me? Yes. So, I avoid it. It's following the light/heavy energy in decision-making.</p><p>Muscle Test - In case you don't trust your feelings. You can simply do the muscle test and let your body decide. Your body knows as it follows the subconscious mind. Stand straight and loosen your body. If the answer to your question is yes, you automatically lean forward. If the answer is no, you lean backward. Try it. It is helpful in confusing situations and when you can't do the above two methods.</p><p><u>3. What kind of a life I would like to live in after 5 years? Is what I am doing currently contributing to that?</u></p><p>This is with respect to what I am doing currently and if that is something I should be changing or not. This puts instant gratification in the backseat and helps in envisioning the future.</p><p>Where do I see myself in 5 years? I have absolutely no idea. But what kind of a life do I want for myself at the age of 35?</p><p>a) Stellar Mental Health - For me, it is the most important thing. I do compromises with my physical health, but I can't with my mental health. I think if both the things are out of place then whatever we are doing don't make any sense at all, money or no money, good or bad.</p><p>I am currently, taking care of my mental heatlh, and regulating my nervous system. I am loving it.</p><p>b) Having Recognized Bodies of Works Out - If I am not writing, it means I don't care about this part of the future of mine. It means it's not a priority. With this thought I sit for one hour in the morning, and even if I have to crawl myself out of those difficult sixty minutes, I try to do this as a routine. It's important for me. It's going to be important for me at the age of 35. I need to have some writing in hand to publish something. And there needs to be more.</p><p>c) Amazing Physical Health - I would be lying if I say it's a priority. But I want to make it one. I always imagine the future and assume I'd be hotter and fitter. Of course, I get hotter because we all evolve with the latest fashion trends. But my knees crack and my organs are not doing great, so, I would like to get fitter. For which, I need to check my portion every day, do mindful eating, and 15-30 minutes of yoga. The solution is very simple, if only I can start. I would like to assume going home would help in this case.</p><p>d) Luxurious Lifestyle - This too needs to become a priority sooner or later. To have a lifestyle filled with ease, joy and glory, I would have to soon focus on how am I going to earn, with which job or which business or which project. The ideal life would be to have 10 projects/businesses running around at the same time. But let's see. I would like my work-life balance, and I would like the luxurious way I live in currently. I would also like the five elements of intimacy in my life and job/business- Honour, Gratitude, Allowance, Trust, Vulnerability. I have been slacking on this one but come May I will probably resume life.</p><p>e) Frequent Travels, More Writing, More Talking - Check!</p><p>f) More Learning - Will resume this too from May, and I am excited about it.</p><p><u>4. Are you surviving or are you thriving?</u></p><p>I was thriving in 2020 and some parts of 2021. I like thriving. Surviving leads to the scarcity mindset. Thriving is a result of the abundance mindset. Although I have created a circumstance for myself which feels like survival or which pushes me to the survival mindset, I also want to be living a life that is more of abundance. I would like to be thriving and not surviving. And to do that later I need to start living and embodying it now. I do, often. Sometimes, I get scared. But we need to trust in the Universe and in our future just like we did in school. I came first when I wanted to come first just by perseverance and willpower. I got 98-99 when I wanted 100, which is close, The bottom-line is that I could dream of 100, I could want 100, I could expect 100 from myself. I got the job I wanted, the promotion I asked for and the roles I applied for. So what else can I expect from myself now? I can't or rather should not give up on myself just because people keep asking me my future plans. They always do.</p><p><u>5. What would you choose if the outcome didn't matter?</u></p><p>Here's a hint of following your heart. Follow your bliss. Don't worry about how it will turn out or when it will turn out. Here's a hint of - what would you choose if you know you can't fail? Or what would you choose if no one would shame you for it?</p><p>In matters of heart, I always end up thinking of the outcome or if my family or friends would approve of someone or not. Their approval won't matter if I am convinced. They'd approve if I am sure about it. And if I am not, they won't approve even the best person in the world, they will feel no one is good enough for me that way. </p><p>Similarly in terms of creative pursuits, we can't conclude how many likes it will get or how many copies it will sell. We can do things just for the joy of doing them. And then evaluate what works and what doesn't. Let's not forget to enjoy simple pleasures of life. Let me write the book anyway, let me make pretty reels anyway, let me post silly stories, let me write childish notes. Whatever floats my boat. I would like to stop judging myself and start living instead.</p><p><br /></p>Sanhita Baruahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08017993703409422805noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1721434822746084249.post-6025409938123141922022-04-19T20:22:00.002+05:302022-04-19T20:22:47.141+05:30Why Your Manifestations and Affirmations Aren’t Working!<p> </p><p class="MsoNormal">I recently came across this term called “hot and cold
manifestation” which is basically inconsistent manifestation. Something that’s
about to happen serendipitously for you because you asked for it but then it
fades away as soon and ends up not happening for you.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">If you follow my blog, you’d remember the post I had written
a few weeks back on the same – the corporate talk show manifesting and then
getting cancelled in the last minute, and my fluctuating energies around the
same.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">And then many people keep complaining how they use
affirmations in the morning or in the evening but they are not working for
them.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Here are some reasons why your manifestations or
affirmations aren’t working for you.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]-->LACK OF BELIEF<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle">People ask me whether to write their
affirmations or say it out aloud, whether to write it on bay leaf or look in
the mirror and say it. They ask me how many times should they say it. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Here’s the answer: it doesn’t matter. This is
not a chemical formula that will work a certain way. It’s an energetic formula
and hence, the only thing it needs of yours is your energy, your belief. Once
you are in that energy or belief, it won’t even matter if you are not using
affirmations. If you are using the affirmations, believe in them when you say
them. Don’t just chant them. Act like you are already what you are saying you
are. Trick your brain into believing it enough to manifest it. It’s like an
incantation.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]-->DOUBT<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle">The energy of doubt kills manifestations. You
may be feeling something and you’re almost about to get it. Stones are turning
for you. And suddenly you doubt it. You wonder are all these things really
happening for you. You question it. You want to give a reason that maybe it is
a coincidence or because of something else. There you bring in the energy of
doubt and the manifesting stops. The next day things are back to the same
again.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]-->WOW<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle">Sometimes you receive your manifestations
and you feel surprised. It’s so amazing for you that you can’t stop wowing. The
energy of wow isn’t very conducive either since it brings in a sense of doubt
or disbelief. It says you are so surprised that you can’t believe you received
your manifestations. It says you really can’t believe the affirmations started
working for you. So, don’t wow. Believe that it will happen for you, and so,
when it happens, you are not surprised. You already believed that it will work.
Why the surprise?<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]-->MISALIGNMENT<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle">Being aligned with your inner self is
necessary for faster manifestations. If you are not aligned, you’d probably
even be confused with what you are really feeling inside. Rest and meditation
help you in being aligned and mindful towards your inner self. Inner work makes
you realize the above three points with ease without trying to decipher much
into what you are feeling. The more inner work you do, the more you know your
energies and the more you can manifest at the right time from the right state
of mind.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]-->OVERTHINKING<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle">Imagine what will you do with the
manifestation but not after it. Imagine what you are going to be like once you
receive the manifestation. If it’s money, think how will you be, what will you
wear, what will you eat, where will you go.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle">Don’t imagine what you’d do after your
manifestation comes into actuality. Don’t think what will people say about it
or how you’ll tell people. Don’t wonder if your relationships will improve or
deteriorate. Overthinking is too much detailing that kills manifestations. We
need to allow the Universe to play things out its own way. Don’t think how it
will happen or when it will happen. Just trust that it will. The Universe has
its own way of plating the dish. You can just order the dish and then wait for
the Universe to cook it and serve it on a plate.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]-->UNINSPIRED ACTIONS<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle">The Universe rewards inspired actions
towards your desires/manifestations. Take inspired actions. Actions that are
uninspired are usually misaligned and may delay your manifestations or become
reasons to create doubt in your about your abilities. Take inspired actions and
the Universe will conspire to deliver to you what you want.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle"><o:p> </o:p></p>
<p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle">Happy Manifesting! <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast">(Also don’t share a lot about your
manifestations. Keep them to yourself. Others’ energies affect even if they
don’t intend to. My coach says "Just for you, just for fun, don’t tell it to anyone." But I tell sometimes, especially to my clients. :-) )<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast">Quote of the Day:</p><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast"><span style="background-color: white; color: #767676; font-family: Roboto, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-weight: 700;">Paulo Coelho</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #666666; font-family: Roboto, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"> — ‘Don't say that again. </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #767676; font-family: Roboto, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-weight: 700;">Life</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #666666; font-family: Roboto, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"> might </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #767676; font-family: Roboto, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-weight: 700;">be listening</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #666666; font-family: Roboto, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">, and give you less the next time.’</span></p><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://th.bing.com/th/id/R.2e11af7c14fdcb6b17267989a9b32922?rik=9VWaYwYbAQ%2bf%2fA&riu=http%3a%2f%2fdivine-cosmos.net%2fimages%2fcategory-manifestation-stories_share.jpg%3fv%3d7622&ehk=fL%2fzXykKNXle66BsqLxge1povxSuPsSXK%2ba%2bdwj58to%3d&risl=&pid=ImgRaw&r=0" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="466" data-original-width="800" height="466" src="https://th.bing.com/th/id/R.2e11af7c14fdcb6b17267989a9b32922?rik=9VWaYwYbAQ%2bf%2fA&riu=http%3a%2f%2fdivine-cosmos.net%2fimages%2fcategory-manifestation-stories_share.jpg%3fv%3d7622&ehk=fL%2fzXykKNXle66BsqLxge1povxSuPsSXK%2ba%2bdwj58to%3d&risl=&pid=ImgRaw&r=0" width="800" /></a></div><br /><span style="background-color: white; color: #666666; font-family: Roboto, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"><br /></span><p></p>Sanhita Baruahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08017993703409422805noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1721434822746084249.post-74642889523583793462022-04-15T23:04:00.003+05:302022-04-15T23:30:14.258+05:30The Big Things Money Buys For Me<p>There is a dichotomy I face regarding money. There's an intellectual/logical awareness about it and there is some inner emotions to be worked upon. This blog is an attempt to get the inner work done. Yes, writing works like that in healing too.</p><p>Let's get started.</p><p>The Intellectual / Logical Awareness-</p><p>I had a conversation recently with a senior from another B-school and a pretty established FMCG company in India, who too had left her job in 2020. She told me a few things about money as follows-</p><p>- People are going to tell you don't care about the money. But money is still important for living. I earn by conducting yoga workshops and DMT ( Dance Movement Therapy) workshops. It's not as much as I used to before. But it's still pretty good. And I have a rented apartment and everything. So, don't neglect money altogether. You'd need it.</p><p>Her story was inspiring. It was also something I knew already. When I had told my coach back in 2019 that I never have money problems, that I never feel that I don't have enough, he had told me to not reject money. Money is important for the body and everything it requires.</p><p>So, yes, money is important. The challenge is not to earn money but to earn it while doing something we love doing. I think that's a major problem people face. And then they choose the most convenient path - to have money despite of doing things we love doing or not. In most cases, people are not aware of things they love doing.</p><p>The Inner Work-</p><p>Inner-work involves working on the Limbic System - the thoughts, feelings and emotions part. Although I have always been very secure about my relationship with money, and never really faced any money problems per se, there were contradictory emotions at play of late, that I am observing now.</p><p>The guilt of having too much. It's real.</p><p>Friends would always make me feel that by saying things like I work in a big organization and all. But there's something more that happened.</p><p>Last year, I received three increments and eventually the exact CTC I wanted for that year. That's a good thing except that my peers and seniors did not. They got the promotion later than I did and they would often complain about how little their salary is. I ended up earning more than them. And because of that there was this unspoken shame and guilt.</p><p>My inner critic would say things like - Do you think you deserve so much? How can you be earning more than them? What's the point of earning so much more money?</p><p>I am only processing these emotions recently after learning the limiting points of views around it. By feeling these emotions, I rejected the money I had earned or manifested for myself. By feeling I don't deserve so much wealth, I did exactly what my coach told me not to, I rejected the energy called money.</p><p>The rejection has become so deep now that any time I feel like earning more, I stop myself. I wonder do I even deserve so much happiness and abundance and wealth. Can I really have it all? Can I have my cake and eat it too? What would people say? Won't they be jealous of me?</p><p>This is the first time I am addressing as well as feeling these emotions. And again, as first-world problem as it may feel like, this is a limiting point of view that is stopping me from creating more and having more, even though I know I work hard enough to deserve it.</p><p>So, how to get rid of these feelings now that I have acknowledged them?</p><p>Of course, the conscious mind would say this is all bullshit so you should get rid of it. The question is how?</p><p>Here's how!</p><p>I will be listing down all the big things money buys for me. And no, I am not going to write about a big house or a big car, but the things I truly value.</p><p>1. FREEDOM</p><p>Money buys me freedom. By having enough money, I become financially independent. By being financially independent, I can live life in my own terms. I can choose to marry someone from any caste/religion/etc or I can choose to not marry at all. I can choose to live with someone or I can choose to live with myself. The society no longer has a hold on me, only because I have enough money to do everything I want to. I am who I am because of the money I have earned, or taken from my sister in my younger days. There was an interview by Prashasti Singh where she said - Being a woman from a middle-class family, I can never not have money.</p><p>Now the question is, do I need money to live a free life? I don't. My mindset can be wired in a way that I can choose to live however I want to without letting society dictate my choices. But would I like to have more money to live a free life? Oh, hell, yes!</p><p>And that's because of the second thing, money buys for me. And that's-</p><p>2. CONVENIENCE</p><p>Money allows me to have maids in my house who do all the household chores I hate to do. Money allows me to get groceries at my doorstep without needing to step out. Money allows me to book my flights to wherever I want to, at the last minute. (Because of it people often say I have my life priorities right). I could do all this because I knew there was never going to be a lack of money ever. I will always get my money from my next salary, and I would use it to buy my convenience. And that convenience made me rest, relax, enjoy more which ultimately made me happy. So, money buys me happiness that way.</p><p>3.SAFETY, SECURITY AND EVERYTHING ELSE</p><p>Of course, money buys me all of this and whatever it buys for me.</p><p>So, what are my emotions right now?</p><p>Even though I am not spending any less than I used to, I am a bit worried on from where money would come to me. Not worried on the surface because I am aware it will come and that when the time requires I will push myself to create more. But somewhere, I am still checking the prices I never used to check before- price of the flight tickets, the cab fare, the rent and more.</p><p>Some savings and honouring of money is good, as now I would only spend where I really want to or which will create greater for me. Notice that I haven't written "where I have to" here.</p><p>Before spending, I can ask myself - Will it create greater for me? Will it contribute to my life and reality? And follow the energy to make the choice.</p><p>So, now that money is an energy, let's clear the air and the blockages around it that I may have built unconsciously with the feelings of guilt I had before and now that lack.</p><p>Speaking to fewer people always helps though. Life's much better now because of this. But here are two techniques.</p><p>1. Five Elements of Intimacy with Money</p><p>a) Honour : I honour the money I have in my bank account. I honour the raise I have received. I honour the gifts I have received. I honour the life money has created for me.</p><p>b) Trust: I trust that I will make more money than I can imagine with ease, joy and glory.</p><p>c) Allowance : I am willing to allow money to come and leave as and when it chooses. I am willing to allow more money to come in without feeling guilty. I am willing to allow more money to come in with total ease, joy and glory.</p><p>d) Gratitude : I am thankful for the life money has created for me. I am thankful to money for all the things it has bought for me.</p><p>e) Vulnerability : I am willing to lose it all to have it all. I am not afraid of losing it. I am not afraid of lack.</p><p>2. The Ho'oponopono Technique</p><p>The short version goes like this - I am sorry. Please forgive me. Thank You. I love you.</p><p>If you are reading this and what I have written is not understandable to you, please let me know.</p>Sanhita Baruahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08017993703409422805noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1721434822746084249.post-15956036522909808052022-04-14T21:36:00.002+05:302022-04-14T21:36:25.494+05:30Living with a Funeral<p>I cannot plan for my birthday without thinking of you. Yours would come just two days before mine.</p><p>And I can only be grateful that on your last year, the three of us childhood friends could finally celebrate each other's birthdays and exchange our gifts - something we had planned every year of our childhood years but which never came owing to the summer vacations.</p><p>I can only be grateful that on your last year, you spent so much time with me- something we had missed for many years before that owing to the locations, as well as our own differences. I can't believe we didn't talk over some simple exchange of judgements towards each other.</p><p>If we were alive, you'd probably in the room next to mine, with Aunty, planning a road trip to either Coorg or Kochi, or discussing a business plan with that sitting amount in your savings account. Or maybe just spending my money on food. :-D</p><p>You know I don't interact with your ex-girlfriends anymore. They caused you a lot of pain. And all the boys who ignored you the year before that, I haven't really made an effort to meet them too. Something stops me from interacting with them as freely as I used to.</p><p>I remember everything, as usual. When we were in class six, and she proposed to you after discussing with us. And then you both sang the song Tera Chehra in a class and it was the highlight of the day. And then we were in class seven, and I borrowed the latest Bryan Adams album from you. A cassette of Room Service was the name. The song This Side of Paradise fits perfectly now.</p><p>The telecom service has given your number to someone else now. It feels empty to not see your whatsapp dp. My previous phone has broken and I don't find our last exchange of messages anymore. It feels emptier. I had written a note for you on Facebook and I can't find it anymore. It's on my Instagram for sure - <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/CEd1SufF5Jg/?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=">Sanhita Baruah on Instagram: “Maybe words do immortalize people... I hope they do. I have heard enough about the calm before the tempest to believe in one. Happiness…”</a></p><p>I hate it that I have never seen you in my dreams. So I question the ones others have seen.</p><p>I hope you are happy now, wherever you are. This is not even a eulogy- just a lot of emotions pouring out of my eyes and finally through my fingers to this record.</p><p>I can only be thankful for the summer of 2017. I don't know how I would have taken your loss without it.</p><p>Thanks for the tears. I needed it. I hadn't cried like this in months. </p><p>Happy Birthday in advance. You'd be 32 this year. Rest in peace. You have my love and you know it.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div dir="auto" style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-family: "Segoe UI Historic", "Segoe UI", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; white-space: pre-wrap;">Remnants of a smile on a stone-cold face</div><div dir="auto" style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-family: "Segoe UI Historic", "Segoe UI", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; white-space: pre-wrap;">And maybe you can fool everyone again</div><div dir="auto" style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-family: "Segoe UI Historic", "Segoe UI", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; white-space: pre-wrap;">That death isn't as painful as we make it to be...</div><div dir="auto" style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-family: "Segoe UI Historic", "Segoe UI", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; white-space: pre-wrap;">Some tears bottled up from months gone by-</div><div dir="auto" style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-family: "Segoe UI Historic", "Segoe UI", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; white-space: pre-wrap;">You'd say judge not how one deals with loss...</div><div dir="auto" style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-family: "Segoe UI Historic", "Segoe UI", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; white-space: pre-wrap;">Dying dreams like drops of dew under a rising sun,</div><div dir="auto" style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-family: "Segoe UI Historic", "Segoe UI", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; white-space: pre-wrap;">You'd laugh they don't chain your ankles anymore...</div><div dir="auto" style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-family: "Segoe UI Historic", "Segoe UI", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; white-space: pre-wrap;">We'd cry for we wouldn't know any better</div><div dir="auto" style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-family: "Segoe UI Historic", "Segoe UI", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; white-space: pre-wrap;">And make stories of your new whereabouts, </div><div dir="auto" style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-family: "Segoe UI Historic", "Segoe UI", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; white-space: pre-wrap;">Playing MJ songs and laughing at your own jokes...</div><div dir="auto" style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-family: "Segoe UI Historic", "Segoe UI", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; white-space: pre-wrap;">Or in a make-believe world of hope,</div><div dir="auto" style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-family: "Segoe UI Historic", "Segoe UI", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; white-space: pre-wrap;">Somewhere in peace in a dreamless sleep...</div><p>(Poem written on 14th September 2017)</p><p><br /></p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEic0PQBQo7E4VXckZUBGwwWAhgGl5LX-kJrCr6kfq58BCMkRjVhYNgtmzbvRfwlAPpzizyFphLI39SVjZINwamqblMfdSnJ_ZZemAq8YoOmaxk4TXx52BBVKUSRwtpGbhnVzJGbRHLQK7jodZy27-CEXMXbgUlxjmBTS6yPbqwCQkt-mi60fdQozTZo0A" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="592" data-original-width="1040" height="182" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEic0PQBQo7E4VXckZUBGwwWAhgGl5LX-kJrCr6kfq58BCMkRjVhYNgtmzbvRfwlAPpzizyFphLI39SVjZINwamqblMfdSnJ_ZZemAq8YoOmaxk4TXx52BBVKUSRwtpGbhnVzJGbRHLQK7jodZy27-CEXMXbgUlxjmBTS6yPbqwCQkt-mi60fdQozTZo0A" width="320" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEjM7JnVTHvjiOwUl5kl4qw7VHjpzaG1AWHXM2y5gGx8Q9KZVXRuh3epIP6dHV4UvIx4fAc_wq9ATRBo6HL_A5UthqK28wmpVG6cBLop0fE5Mnp241-t0IoHnDnvzzWvPpACxMzPIyMIVRvCR6Ntblm2MnIiIRNDEOsnaCMK5ncFbqvmZn8Ar4srryEP6A" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="958" data-original-width="719" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEjM7JnVTHvjiOwUl5kl4qw7VHjpzaG1AWHXM2y5gGx8Q9KZVXRuh3epIP6dHV4UvIx4fAc_wq9ATRBo6HL_A5UthqK28wmpVG6cBLop0fE5Mnp241-t0IoHnDnvzzWvPpACxMzPIyMIVRvCR6Ntblm2MnIiIRNDEOsnaCMK5ncFbqvmZn8Ar4srryEP6A" width="180" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEgQCTh1AAtAA7wppYLxgfFPgTLU3_sb7FeOoOnaP2DIvWNdKsoYSbLZlKp9V33y3xpwLzWJapKZvHaAWMM_BiTt4YezHc-HXZlIueOmdbWEQaB-BifFcyDHQomLB3G2aViHCA-n2l0tVkFySMx4clGaS-hlgRd-0whHRDgCssV5dD_756Zd10hq2G_vpw" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="768" data-original-width="1024" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEgQCTh1AAtAA7wppYLxgfFPgTLU3_sb7FeOoOnaP2DIvWNdKsoYSbLZlKp9V33y3xpwLzWJapKZvHaAWMM_BiTt4YezHc-HXZlIueOmdbWEQaB-BifFcyDHQomLB3G2aViHCA-n2l0tVkFySMx4clGaS-hlgRd-0whHRDgCssV5dD_756Zd10hq2G_vpw" width="320" /></a></div><br /><br /><p></p><p><iframe allowfullscreen="" class="BLOG_video_class" height="266" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/sWk7ZivgWbM" width="320" youtube-src-id="sWk7ZivgWbM"></iframe></p>Sanhita Baruahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08017993703409422805noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1721434822746084249.post-26834241911260567162022-04-10T14:49:00.003+05:302022-04-10T17:40:33.409+05:30Five Elements of Intimacy - On Fulfilling Relationships<div>[Learning the 5 elements of Intimacy is part of the course of The Foundation by Access Consciousness defined by Gary Douglas and Dain Heer. This article contains the writer's own thoughts, experiments and explanation of the same merged with the laws of manifestation and attraction. The writer took The Foundation class in December 2021. If you wish to take the course, find more about it <a href="https://www.accessconsciousness.com/en/class-catalog/core-classes/foundation/the-foundation/#?PageSize=10&SortBy=startDate&Descending=false&CurrentPageNumber=2&ClassTitles=111382&OccurrenceTypes=Event&OccurrenceTypes=TeleSeries&OccurrenceTypes=Class&PublishedStatus=Published&DisplayOnlyStreamedClasses=false&DisplayOnlyPopClasses=false" target="_blank">here</a>.]</div><div><br /></div>Why are so many people in unhappy relationships?<div>And then why are so many people dating one person after another and never find the one person they are looking for?</div><div><br /></div><div>In this blog post, we are going to talk about all of this in detail. It was long due but better late than never.</div><div><br /></div><div>First and foremost, make a choice- do you truly want a romantic relationship or not?</div><div><br /></div><div>In 2020, I had a realization that I was always this woman who was in a loyal committed long-distance relationship. I made a choice to not choose one for a change. I made a decision to figure out who I am when I am not with someone else.</div><div><br /></div><div>If you are like who I was in 2020, you may have subconsciously or consciously decided to not choose a romantic relationship. Move along, then. Nothing to see here.</div><div><br /></div><div>But if you aren't, and if you are looking for a true companionship - not just marriage and not just a relationship but a true fulfilling intimate relationship, you are at the right place.</div><div><br /></div><div>You know I am going to talk about doing the inner work. And people shy away from doing the inner work because it is hard work. "You can't go to a job, make loads of money, and still do the inner work," you might want to argue. Or as a woke person on the internet you would want to tell me, "Hey, listen. You still deserve love no matter in which stage of healing you are." Or "We all deserve good relationships."</div><div><br /></div><div>Yes, we all deserve love and relationship no matter what. We are only human. But do you just want an average relationship? Or are you willing to create a great relationship that works for you? My best guess is that if you wanted just a marriage, you would have been married by now. It's not that hard to make a profile on JeevanSaathi or the likes and marry someone you are compatible with. My best guess is that if you really wanted love, you would be in love right now. When you open the doors to love, falling in love is the easiest thing in the world. And my dear reader, if you truly wanted a relationship, you'd be in one. Dating and relationships are not that hard too. And if you are in one and still not feeling fulfilled, here's what is lacking.</div><div><br /></div><div>You are here, reading this piece, because you don't want to settle for less. You desire something great. You desire honest loving and a truly fulfilling relationship and then, hopefully a marriage. And here's how to attract one and work with one.</div><div><br /></div><div>There are only five elements that create a healthy fulfilling intimate relationship. And no, love doesn't come in the picture. The feelings of love we get is a secretion of the hormone called oxytocin. You're going to get this feeling while you are having an amazing sex or orgasm or both (I pray you get both). You're going to get this feeling when the other person becomes a part of your daily life - your habits. Feeling loved and loving will not pass you by - love will not pass you by. Our biological body is designed this way.</div><div><br /></div><div>What's passing you by are the real five elements of intimacy and here's what to do about it.</div><div><br /></div><div><b><span style="font-size: medium;">1. Honour </span></b></div><div><br /></div><div>If you know me, you know I use this word a lot. I am always willing to walk away from spaces I don't feel honoured in or there's a chance of me or my time not being honoured. The kind of person I am, I demand honour, I even command honour.</div><div>Well, don't be like me. You don't have to. But what does this word mean in its truest sense?</div><div>People honour us when we honour ourselves. It's mutual.</div><div>In fact, a lot of things that go on in a relationship is actually mutual. We create it either with awareness or without. When another person rejects you, you can think about it further and find out how you, in your actions and thoughts, were rejecting that person too, if not verbalizing it. Same goes for break-ups. We may feel the other person broke up with us, but they might be the first person in the relationship to verbalize it while you were having doubts and second guesses on the relationship too. Our intuition and feelings are stronger than we give it credit for.</div><div>So, yes, understand that energy, law of manifestation and law of attraction - all work mutually. You can't manifest someone who is not manifesting you. You can't attract someone who is not attracting you. In cases, you feel like you really like someone, higher chances are that the other person likes you too. You attract people who are vibrating on a similar plane as you. Yes, that's true. There are no accidents. You meet people exactly when you need them and how you need them. They teach you a lesson or be a part of your life forever (if you grow together, in similar ways).</div><div><br /></div><div>So, when you honour yourself, you attract a person who honours herself/himself too. And then when you meet, you both are secure enough to truly honour each other - respect each other's whole personality, respect each other's lifestyle, respect each other's choice of clothes, eating patterns and what not. You know the small things couples complain about each other? Those will be missing. Those will not affect your behaviour towards them. Those will not affect how you feel towards them.</div><div>A fulfilling relationship is not based on love but true honouring of each other. Tell me this is what you wanted without telling me this is what you wanted. :-D</div><div><b><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></b></div><div><b><span style="font-size: medium;">2. Trust</span></b></div><div><br /></div><div>You know the drill by now. Trust is a two-way street, and you cross this street one step after another. Not all at once. You both take one step at a time to reach middle ground. </div><div>A fulfilling relationship needs mutual trust. Trust that the other person will not cheat on you. It also includes trusting your partner enough to know they will not change when they say they will, and they will change when they say they won't. :-D It's a bummer, right? But that's exactly how we all function.</div><div>Also, trust yourself for choosing the person you choose. Don't look for validation from all your friends and family. They think you are God's only gift to this planet so they won't validate anyone you choose. No one would be good enough for you in their eyes. But then, we all are God's gifts, right? So, trust yourself for choosing the partner you have chosen. They were meant for you, and you guys look good together.</div><div><br /></div><div><b><span style="font-size: medium;">3. Allowance</span></b></div><div><br /></div><div>This is my favourite element of all. It helps not only in my relationships but in every sphere of life. This comprises of the third chapter in my little book <a href="https://bit.ly/e-taohpoetry" target="_blank">The Art of Healing</a>.</div><div><br /></div><div>First things first - allowance doesn't mean your monthly pocket money. :-D</div><div>Secondly, allowance doesn't mean acceptance.</div><div>Allowance is a mental and emotional space where you truly allow yourself to be you and you allow others to be them without judgement. It is a key element for an intimate relationship if you wish to stick together and then grow together or not. You allow the other person to change, you allow yourself to change. If the word is new for you, you can think of it as being open-minded. You allow yourself to change your mind, your life and then you allow the same for your partner. </div><div><br /></div><div>Like all things about energy, when you start to allow yourself to be who you truly are, you start accepting people for who they are too.</div><div>Allowance is a place where there are no judgements or points of view. You allow the beautiful as much as the ugly, the good as much as the bad. And trust me, when you are in that space, you won't even label things as beautiful or ugly. I am just using the adjectives to explain.</div><div>Most couples keep complaining about each other, because they are not in true allowance of each other. You like the other's 80% and the other 20% you tolerate. The trick is to just be in allowance of the other 20% without judgement.</div><div>What would you do if a snake enters the room you are in? You can try to hide yourself in a corner, but ultimately the snake will roam around the room and find you. You can try to run out of the room, but if there are no other doors than the one through which the snake has entered, you will ultimately won't be able to run out anyway. You can climb up the walls or do whatever you want, but the snake will find you when you are running away from it.</div><div>But if you just sit still and observe the snake, maybe it will hit you, or maybe it won't. There are higher chances it won't because it would sense the peace in the room and then quietly go out when it wants to. Why? Snakes hardly are looking for a human to bite. They bite in order to protect themselves because they are threatened by the panic and movement around. Do you get my analogy?</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><b><span style="font-size: medium;">4. Gratitude</span></b></div><div><br /></div><div>You know this was coming, didn't you? Gratitude is an important component of all relationships. People often face issues in their relationships because they forget to be grateful for simple acts - the meal you get on the table because your partner/parent cooked it, the cuddles you get, the ceaseless support you get and other stuff 😋😋😋. </div><div><br /></div><div>Pro-tip: Always be grateful for good sex and orgasms. Very few people get orgasms. Yes, girls talk!</div><div><br /></div><div>A fulfilling relationship will have a lot of gratefulness towards each other. Also, remember to be grateful towards your own body that has carried you all these years, towards your own mind that helps take all the decisions, and towards your soul that decided to breathe life into your body and mind. In the end, you three work together to create your life - your body, your mind and your soul. Be grateful for all the good things in life. You know why? Because the things you are thankful for, you get to keep, and you receive more of it.</div><div><br /></div><div>Think of it this way - when you thank your partner for making that cup of tea, they feel rewarded and their brain releases dopamine. They'd now want to make a cup of tea again for you the next day without doubts. You both release hormones that contribute to your happiness. Nothing wrong here on the surface. On the insides, try to be truly grateful instead of saying the word "thank you" because the Universe too works in a similar fashion too. The Universe doesn't understand the word "thank you" though. It understands your thoughts, feelings and emotions. It understands when you truly feel grateful.</div><div><br /></div><div>Be grateful for all your previous partners and then ones yet to come.</div><div><br /></div><div><b><span style="font-size: medium;">5. Vulnerability</span></b></div><div><br /></div><div>This is the last element to create true intimacy. And this is where our generation fails, especially the ones on dating apps. </div><div>We are programmed to believe that if we show our vulnerability then we appear to be weak. And nobody likes weakness. "Survival of the fittest," you say. Yes, the fittest gets the one-night stand and sometimes even the trophy wife/husband but not the truly fulfilling relationship. Isn't that what you wanted? If not, then why isn't being so strong and hiding your weakness helping you? What have you gained by being so "strong"?</div><div>When we pretend to be stronger than we are, we also spill our secrets with our energy. We want to believe people aren't very smart in matters of the heart but they are. They can sense that energy even if you don't want them to. They can sense it even if they don't know that's what they are sensing. Remember, how our intuition is stronger than what we give it credit for? They can sense your pretense from a distance. They can see that you are a weak baby trying to act distant and indifferent while if they even pinch you a little you are going to fall apart. Cute analogy but true story.</div><div>So what to do then? Show everyone how truly weak and sappy and emotional and soft you are?</div><div>Well, no.</div><div>The problem is we think being vulnerable is being weak, sappy, emotional, soft, etc.</div><div>Almost everybody feels stuff. Almost everybody has emotions. They may choose not to show it. But they have emotions. So, being emotional is just a state of your for one situation just like being logical is for another.</div><div>When you know the being vulnerable is being strong, you'll let go of your fears.</div><div>Practice it.</div><div>Because you are going to be hurt anyway no matter how strong and unemotional you act to be. It's better to be hurt when you show who you truly are because that way you give a chance to your potential partner. Then it might actually lead to something authentic.</div><div>You can't have something authentic by being inauthentic yourself. Isn't authenticity what you truly desire? You have to be what you desire. Your actions need to be aligned with who you are. You can't pretend to be unemotional and then receive all kinds of love and emotions from the other person. What would that even lead to?</div><div><br /></div><div>In vulnerability, you allow the other person to see you for who you truly are. </div><div><br /></div><div>I remember going on a date and the other person said, "I don't want any commitment. Let's just go with the flow."</div><div>It was easy for me to give in to my ego and say I don't want commitment or say things that would show how I couldn't care any less. You know, modern dating becomes a game of who can care less.</div><div>Instead, I let my ego take a backseat and said, "You know what's a flow? A flow can lead to a break-up as well as commitment. It can even lead to marriage and then divorce. A flow can lead to a one-night stand as well as casual dating. It can lead to a second date or nothing at all. If you've already decided you don't want any commitment, then you also don't want any flow." Of course I explained that in simpler sentences and in Hindi. But you get what I am saying, right? We went to another date after that and drifted apart. That's flow and that was alright for me. What was not alright for me was to pretend like I don't want commitment or accept his words of not wanting any commitment and going with the flow while that definitely meant temporary fooling around. I am a busy woman, I have no time to fool around, so I decided let me not play these games and power struggles and be honest for a change. I had nothing to lose. And I also saved myself from continuing a relationship for month in the hope that it would lead to somewhere someday and it wouldn't have led anywhere.</div><div><br /></div><div>A lot of people do this these days. They start with "I don't want any commitment" hoping that someday it would lead to authentic loving and commitment like they show in the movies. It's great if it works out that way. It does for some people.</div><div>But wouldn't the world be simpler if we just said what we wanted? Are you going to tell me that the world doesn't work like that? Are you going to tell me you can't say what you want because the other person would run away?</div><div>Then what do you want? Do you even want such a partner? Do you want a relationship where you both were not true to each other in your words and actions, and eventually you become? But what happens when the other person takes your words to be true and decides that you'll never commit? What happens when they tie the knot elsewhere because they couldn't read your mind? What happens when you are in a relationship for more than a year hoping that the other person would change their mind on commitment and marriage, but they don't?</div><div>You can decide and choose here how you want to be and what you want to say. This is just an example.</div><div><br /></div><div>What I am trying to say is that when you say something else and want something else, you are creating inauthenticity in your relationship as well as your own body and mind. These conflicting messages block your receiving and manifestation. The Universe doesn't know what to give you, so you attract similar confused people who don't know what they want, who say something and mean something else. You are left trying to read minds and failing.</div><div><br /></div><div>Be vulnerable, dear one. Allow the other person to see you fully and allow yourself to see the other person fully. Where can you be vulnerable if not in front of a potential partner? If you want to be strong, be strong in front of the world, not in front of someone with whom you dream of creating your own world.</div><div><br /></div><div>Know exactly what you want, ask for exactly that, in words and in actions.</div><div><br /></div><div>If you want to get married, go find the first person you are compatible with on Shaadi dot com.</div><div>If you want to date and see where it goes, go ask that person out and say exactly what you want.</div><div><br /></div><div>And if you want a truly fulfilling relationship, implement these five elements of intimacy within you and hence, outside of you.</div><div><br /></div><div>(We had better relationships when we were younger because we were truly in honour, trust, allowance, gratitude of each other and were not afraid to be vulnerable. Go ahead, look back at your life! We grow older and become more protective of ourselves to avoid getting hurt. In this process, we get hurt anyway.)</div><div><br /></div><div>I am taking 1:1 intuitive guidance and counseling sessions till Saturday only. You can book a slot <a href="https://linktr.ee/Sanhita" target="_blank">here</a>.</div>Sanhita Baruahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08017993703409422805noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1721434822746084249.post-60416219499013097312022-04-08T13:07:00.003+05:302022-04-08T13:23:07.995+05:30Who am I today?<p> I woke up today without the burden of the past. When I opened my eyes, I suddenly felt amazingly light. I absorbed the bed I was in and the room. No lingering thoughts in my head and a lot of messages and notifications in my phone. Before reading them I thought of only one thing - Who am I today? And what grand and glorious adventure am I going to have today?</p><p>I love it when I wake up like this. I also acknowledge that I put a lot of efforts on doing the inner work the previous night just before sleeping so that the next day is better.</p><p>I have nothing on my calendar so I just decided to visit a place some 20mins far from where I am.</p><p>I want to post the testimonial I received in the morning. This is for my rainy days in the future, to remember that on a certain day I was brave enough to conduct a workshop on interpreting visions and dreams and helped a client achieve so much more, do her inner child healing and come out of her body-image issues.</p><p>The font is too light for my eyes and I have appended it at the end.</p><p>As the first couple of hours of the day elapsed I got back into rethinking this entire week and especially, yesterday. I held space so much for all the things people asked from me and put it in my calendar. Most of the things got cancelled last minute and I hate it when it happens, because I prioritized all this and scheduled my day around it. I hate that I am so sincere. </p><p>Especially the corporate talk session that was planned for Saturday from almost a week back. I really scheduled so many things around it and postponed my travel to Bir. But it got cancelled yesterday. Just before it got cancelled, I had a weird feeling of uneasiness and nervousness. I didn't feel good and the presentation deck I made did not get saved, not even in the recent folder or temporary files folder. It was a bad omen, in retrospect. I told my sis that I need to go home to meditate a bit and align my chakras. Within half an hour, I received the message that my event got cancelled. I don't mind the organizer because it was not in her hands. But I wondered if it was my energy or it was my awareness.</p><p>My coach would say it was my awareness that I sensed it before it happened. But I also wondered how did I create this. Did I talk about it too much before it happened? Did I make it too significant? It was an important event for me and my life. It was offered to me unexpectedly and it had made perfect sense for where I am in life currently. Even more than perfect!</p><p>I am going to move on from this but before that I need to address my feelings. Only when I address and accept them can I truly move on.</p><p>I had a lot of expectations and hopes from it. I was excited about it. The topic was a game-changer for people, the event was a game-changer for me. But I had also put a lot of things on hold for it, and now I regret it. I hate to be a cry baby but I haven't shared a single tear yet on it and I must address my emotions.</p><p>So, what do I feel about it?</p><p>Firstly, when I don't believe in doing anything for free, I should have respected my ideology and probably not have agreed to do it for free in the first place.</p><p>Secondly, I should have still planned my travel trusting that I would get good internet and lighting anywhere.</p><p>(It reminds me I should try for those contact lenses again to avoid light reflections from my specs.)</p><p>I don't feel stupid, just a sense of premature ejaculation. :-D</p><p>I spoke about it to people in length. When you talk to people before something happens, two things happen-</p><p>1. If it is something you need to do, your brain releases dopamine, and you feel like you have already done it. Eventually you lose the motivation to do it.</p><p>2. If it is something that's going to happen, when you talk to people about it, about your plans, they also send some energy towards you. You can sense it by their words, facial expressions and body language. Like someone said to me - "Really? What are you even going to talk about?" or things like - "Oh, you are living the life!" or "You know what you should do - this and that". These are all projections. Your subconscious mental space contracts and lets in self-doubts. The energy of doubt is what I call it. And no matter how much of healing work you know, you better not bring in those projections and then heal from it. It is easier to not bring in those projections in the first place.</p><p>I can sense the energy of doubt brewing in my insides. What do I even have to say here?</p><p>So yeah, from my end, life would have been easier if I hadn't spilled the beans. There is also an energy of proving my intentions. Sometimes we share our plans so that the other person doesn't think we aren't doing anything or are a loser. All this happens subconsciously. The energy of proving is again too much expenditure of your energy. And if the other person subconsciously resists then it is just furthermore expenditure from your side to get it proved.</p><p>What if we don't need to prove anything to anyone?</p><p>I booked my tickets to Bir last night. I said fuck it! I am making my plans and the world can reschedule their events accordingly. I am not going to wait for that Mumbai offer to show up or that promised amount to be credited to my account. I say fuck it and fuck it big! I am not going to wait for the Universe to show me the way to walk on the way. I am going to make my path anyway and the Universe can then redirect me or direct me or whatever and I will follow its lead. I always do. But I am not going to wait. I am not going to schedule my life around waiting. I am not going to wait for things to happen. Nope!</p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://i.pinimg.com/originals/75/2d/1a/752d1ada5f1b71f1922faf5b6151b4dc.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="800" data-original-width="666" height="353" src="https://i.pinimg.com/originals/75/2d/1a/752d1ada5f1b71f1922faf5b6151b4dc.jpg" width="294" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="text-align: left;">Living it with the philosophy I am creating isn't easy. But if it were so easy everyone would be doing it.</span></div><p></p><p>Yes, I feel better now that I have written what I have written. And what happened this week was a mix of both my energy and my awareness. Information will come in my dreams and visions and awareness and I can't help it but what I can work on is my energy.</p><p>Yesterday, at night I avoided talking to a busy and accomplished man for a collaboration offer just because I was not in good energy. We can call it bad mental health, too. But that's fine because I like to give myself that space and time. I like to give myself that rest instead of being a fighter and suppressing what I feel.</p><p>Being a fighter would only put the control in the Reptilian brain, feeling my emotions would put it on the Limbic system, but when I feel and address my emotions and give myself some rest, my control goes back to my neocortex. And finally when I am in awareness and allowance, my control is back to my pre-frontal cortex. This is where amazing things happen. This is where creativity happens. This is where I think and manifest within seconds. Of course, my crown chakra and crown of manifestation is always working for the manifestations to happen. But the prefrontal cortex is my third eye chakra and oh, how I love my intuition and my awareness.</p><p>So, what if now that the worst has happened, I allow my allowance to exceed my awareness? What if better things are in store and I still don't know it? What if I can be willing to receive much more than I can imagine? What else is possible?</p><p>So, who am I today? And what grand and glorious adventure can I be on today?</p><p>Every morning we wake up with two choices - to either repeat yesterday or start a new day. I am here to start a new day, to live in the moment, and to say "fuck it" to anything that doesn't contribute to my life, my reality, my health, my wealth, my living, my desires.</p><p>Damn, I really love my blog! :-D </p><p>And what is right about all this I am not getting? Maybe I wasn't ready. Maybe something better will come my way which is meant exactly for me. And this time, I am going to say yes!</p><p>S:P:A:C:E</p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEiR8UYe5wiYJA_Y6-ofd2903q7ruvcSU3LTd_xUy_FuEBboLWIbJc1AnOMExlryAkgP5o3tj-Eyv2mZ5Yt5H4VhC8ROTQUlJ4bthiM5k3i8mPe8wY4pf2Gu3WGu9-44w4Pcf8SL-8bM-sA_YWho5umBmR5074vw4cFXgLFamitnX8tEwAeYWi1KBkp9uw" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1131" height="363" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEiR8UYe5wiYJA_Y6-ofd2903q7ruvcSU3LTd_xUy_FuEBboLWIbJc1AnOMExlryAkgP5o3tj-Eyv2mZ5Yt5H4VhC8ROTQUlJ4bthiM5k3i8mPe8wY4pf2Gu3WGu9-44w4Pcf8SL-8bM-sA_YWho5umBmR5074vw4cFXgLFamitnX8tEwAeYWi1KBkp9uw=w258-h363" width="258" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><br /><br /><p></p>Sanhita Baruahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08017993703409422805noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1721434822746084249.post-46495609455772312062022-04-04T12:37:00.001+05:302022-04-04T12:37:30.148+05:30Keeping Comfortable Distance in Dating<p> I am a public private person. It means although I am sharing so much on social media and gatherings, I still manage to retain my privacy on things I want to.</p><p>A friend of mine who probably knows me the best amongst all my friends said to me on how even when he knows so much about me, he just knows only 20% of me. You are mysterious that way, he says.</p><p>Another friend had said that although I keep in touch and we hang out he hardly knows what's going on in my life. Nobody actually does.</p><p>I am comfortable with this style of living. I always have been. </p><p>Until I found out the term- Comfortable Distance last year in December during my Foundation classes.</p><p>"Are you using Comfortable Distance to limit you?" was the question,</p><p>I look back at my life and wonder. I wasn't always like this. I had my best friends and boy friends who knew everything about me and somehow those things didn't work out. I ended up becoming more mature, setting boundaries, releasing the need to have best friends or boy friends.</p><p>I adhere to the belief that you have multiple soulmates - some for friendship, some for dating, some for grieving together and some for healing together. It works for me.</p><p>I also learned to protect my energy from depletion by setting clear boundaries on what I'd tolerate and what I wouldn't. </p><p>Expectations hurt, so I don't expect anything from others but only for myself.</p><p>Amidst this growing up, I still gave a chance to accepting some best friends as an adult and yet it didn't work out for me. I need my space, sometimes a lot of it. I like keeping myself whole and not giving everything away to only be taken for granted later or as a doormat. I am big on all these beliefs.</p><p>And yet, it makes me wonder am I limiting myself by creating this comfortable distance in order to keep myself safe?</p><p>Some people keep comfortable distance with relationships, some with friendships, some with money, some with jobs, some with businesses, some with older people, some with younger people, some with beauty, some with ageing, some with a healing modality or psychotherapy, some with medicines, some with hospitals, and so on.</p><p>It is a distance we choose to avoid vulnerability. People believe that vulnerability is weakness.</p><p>I am vulnerable with most people I meet and speak to, even strangers. Except when it comes to lovers. I don't let them in enough to shatter my foundations. I don't give them that power.</p><p>But what if the true power lies within? That even if you are vulnerable with this people, you'd be aware enough when they try to take advantage of you and you'd be strong enough to handle whatever comes with it.</p><p>We often feel we are not strong enough to handle the consequences, and hence, we choose what we choose - a comfortable distance, avoidance of vulnerability, an invisible wall of protection.</p><p>But you know what happens when you build a wall around yourself? You can't see when you have enemies attacking your fort. You can be unprepared while someone breaks down your opaque walls. But if there are no walls, you can observe your environment and you are always aware of the outside and your insides. Not alert. Just aware. And you trust yourself that you can prepare for the war if it comes, because this time you can see the war coming from a far distance.</p><p>Every day I work on energy, I change. I let go of all the definitions of who I am as a person. I then evolve. I become someone new everyday as I release my past every morning when I wake up.</p><p>Things have changed ever since December. I realized I can keep myself vulnerable, allow myself to get hurt but recover within a day, sometimes even in an hour. I allowed myself to step out of my comfort zone of not dating anyone, and go on a couple of dates without judgement. And even though I got hurt after all of these dates in unexpected and cruel ways (because in order to protect themselves from unforeseen rejection, people end up hurting the other person before getting hurt themselves), I realized I could take charge of my emotions back within an hour or a day.</p><p>My co-host of the workshop Interpretation of Visions and Dreams, Uma, messaged me in the morning today without me telling her anything. She was talking about her psychic visions when she said - Our feelings can be broken but however they can be restored too.</p><p>Don't make yourself so solid and rigid that you can never be fluid enough to flow with life. Don't create walls so high that you don't let people in at all. When we create walls for everyone, we also block the genuine person who would want to come inside our homes. Don't keep everyone at an arm's length. Allow some to enter and follow your awareness. Trust that you can take care of yourselves. You don't inherently need anyone. So if someone wants to come, let them. If someone wants to go, let them. Say "thank you" because their arrival is as much a gift as their departure. </p><p>Every experience brings a lesson. Every lesson makes you better.</p><p>The lesson was never to be so hard-core that no one can break you. Hard things often break. It's the soft things that don't break. The soft things often retain their shape back even after being stretched and pressed. The lesson was always to never lose the hope within your heart, to never stop believing in the goodness in the world. The lesson was never to stop loving. It was always to love but without attachments, without expectations. The lesson was never to keep comfortable distance. The lesson was to not give your power away no matter what the distance is.</p><p>On this note, if you are reading this, you can sign up for my 1:1 counseling and energy work sessions for a life of ease, joy and glory or even my 1:1 coaching sessions for a complete transformation in your personal and professional life that would work for you.</p><p>Here's the link -<a href="https://linktr.ee/sanhita" target="_blank">Join Me!!</a></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p>Sanhita Baruahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08017993703409422805noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1721434822746084249.post-78579363514347506902022-03-22T18:55:00.008+05:302022-03-23T00:27:55.219+05:30Energetic Shopping - Shifts, Lessons and Insights<p>I had the opportunity to assist someone with shopping this Sunday, the 20th of March 2022. I've always been a great advisor when it comes to fashion but this time I also wanted to try energetic shopping using tools of Access Consciousness for Money and tips by Marie Kondo for Joy.</p><p>Money and joy may not always go hand in hand but they are so corelated. You follow joy and you find money on the way. You receive money and joy comes for free. I am not saying that money can buy happiness. Happiness is more of a mindset than a milestone or an object to buy. But having money brings joy because you have one thing fewer to worry about. Sometimes, you have nothing to worry about.</p><p>Anyway, I found myself lucky to be assisting someone rich (who can afford any suggestion without worrying about the price-tag) with shopping and trying energetic shopping. I always wanted to do this. I always expected myself to be doing this in Mumbai though (because all the rich and artsy people are there) but life brings what it brings- a divine coincidence, because on any other day, this person would have turned up wearing a t-shirt and not giving a damn about my suggestions to go for shopping.</p><p>We first went to Cotton World because that's what he asked. The men's section didn't have a lot of variety. None of the clothes spoke to me that they'd bring more money or joy. But he intuitively picked up a white full-sleeved shirt and came out of the trial room wearing it. I had nothing to do with this but the shirt brought so much joy that I couldn't ask him to keep it back. It didn't make any sense because he was wearing a white half-sleeved shirt exactly and the new one had nothing different to offer, on the surface.</p><p>But it had something and I saw it as - Joy. We knew we are making one spend.</p><p>Next, he tried on a black shirt full-sleeved and comfortable to wear. He looked pretty good in it so I knew, if nothing else, this shirt is going to make him get some action. I called it the date-night shirt. </p><p>The thing about sexual energy is that it is always divine and empowering. Sexual energy is for receiving more than you can imagine. It is about letting your barriers down to expect the unexpected. And more importantly, when you open your doors of receiving you also receive possibilities and sometimes, money. (I do have to learn to word things better if I ever start blogging seriously about energy work for preaching to readers. Receiving money here means money with big projects or opportunities and not anything shady. Damn!).</p><p>So we made two spends - one on Joy and another on Joy/Money ambiguous territory. If I remove the energy part from it, we would probably still buy the black shirt and spare the white shirt for logical reasons. At least that's what my Mom would advise.</p><p>We went to another store I forgot the name of. And I saw a pair of jeans and that was exactly what was required. It was in the darker blue shade which goes well with white shirts/t-shirts. So, logically it did make sense. And the jeans kind of spoke to me that yes, it will make more money for the client/person I was assisting.</p><p>My heart sank a bit when he sad he doesn't like the pattern on the jeans. To ensure if this was the right pair I asked the store assistant to check for discount. I guessed 50% off and the assistant claimed it was at 40% off. That was it!! I wanted to pick the pair but the unfortunate part was that it came in size 32. The store assistants got one-size larger for him but that didn't fit him too. I could feel the energy dropping, while he was busy picking up a navy-blue printed shirt to buy. That was a fine shirt, I thought. But it wasn't THAT pair of jeans!</p><p>My pushiness made him agree to buy the pair anyway hoping he could fit into it soon. But the energy was dropping and this energetic shopping work was harder than I thought it would be, just like when I was experimenting with KonMaring Consciously. But then, after 10 days I did see the brilliant result of my effort of de-cluttering in my friendships. Things happen but they take more time, effort and determination than you think they would.</p><p>By the time we went to the counter for the purchase, the energy dropped and I wondered if they picked the same pair I picked or not. We still thought it was just 2.4k INR so it was affordable anyway but I doubted that he would wear it soon since getting 2 sizes smaller require tremendous effort and he is a busy man.</p><p>The guy at the counter said the discount is actually not applicable and I got my sign to park the jeans. I said we don't want it. There was no logical reason and no energetic reason anymore. Aah, the fleeting timelines of energy! We have to make use of it as soon as it arrives and let go of the doubts. Always.</p><p>We went to a new store and he got a pair of jeans. There was Joy. The store assistant said they would need 24 hours to get the jeans altered for the length and I asked them to give it within an hour instead (by 7pm) so that I can pick it up on the same day. They said they'd try. They did. They made it by 6.54pm or so. There you go. :-)</p><p>I picked up a t-shirt for myself. I found it on the top most shelf of the store, sitting there waiting for me to be picked up. It fit me and it was affordable - some 1.3k INR. It was mine to keep.</p><p>So yes, the jeans felt totally worth a cause. I don't know what the cause was but it spoke of confidence and confidence pays money.</p><p>The energies were great that day.</p><p>The next afternoon something dipped. I couldn't quite pin it on what it was. It wasn't supposed to happen. I mostly have good days unless bothered by something. I got a call from a potential employer and I didn't feel like responding. By the evening, I didn't feel like doing anything. I wondered if I was blaming myself for not doing anything although resting is a key part of energy work or living consciously. </p><p>We rest so that we create better.</p><p>By the night, the person texted me that he lost the project he wanted because they were offering less to pay. I was already low and this text made me feel like crying. The energy of doubt and guilt is heavy and I could feel the heaviness of wondering if everything was worth it, if what I do and practice really makes sense. The heaviness of self-doubt was crippling, and I felt like I wouldn't ever offer my services to anyone. I also happened to think of the fact how two of my clients didn't turn up or pay me the fee that day. They had promised they would. What was happening? I am not used to feeling the energy of lack. I went to the extent of telling him "I resign" as a joke.</p><p>The feelings were real though. After that I sat with myself for about half an hour. I went back to my texts to him and I realized it was not my place ever to text something so mean like that. It was mean to myself and to his soul.</p><p>I was still feeling heavy and was going into the "why"s of things until I realized a few things I learnt by practicing Consciousness-</p><p>1. You should <u>never conclude anything.</u> Conclusions block the energies. Your only job is to be open to possibilities. I can't conclude that my efforts worked or didn't work. I can only wait to find out. I cannot conclude whether I will practice this in the future or not. I can only perceive the energies and go with the flow. I can only be open to receiving and giving and never to conclude what will be and what will not be.</p><p>2. <u>You can never have a vested outcome when you practice energy clearings.</u> You see, we can't think that because we did this shopping exercise, he should have the project he was worked up about. It was never about this project but about possibilities in general, about creating luck, about wearing luck like you wear clothes.</p><p>3. You should <u>never go into the whys.</u> Reasoning are conclusions that stop us from creating greater. Why was it not working with him while it worked for everyone else? I was repeatedly thinking this before until the answer was clear as day in front of me. Because I technically hadn't received money from him and given him tools or clearings or a Bars session so it doesn't say anything about what I practice in isolation with other clients. Because it was just an experiment. Because it was anyway not over yet; nothing ever truly is. I hadn't even asked him what he was wearing. Because it is yet to happen that he forgetfully picks out that blue denim or that black shirt and attends an event. It was too early to say anything. And even if nothing happens, what was the loss? He got good clothes for himself which he wanted in the first place, and I got an experience to see how I can do energetic shopping for a client.</p><p>4. <u>Your job is not to fix other people even if they are your clients.</u> Your job is only to offer your services. I remember doing the Access Bars for the first time on a friend who was on heavy doses of anti-depressants. I wanted her to get better so much that the next day I couldn't get up from my bed to go to work. I felt what a clinical depression feels like. She could sleep well that night but still had to continue her medicines. Of course, she did. Access Bars was never a substitute for prescribed drugs. But I had put so much of my energy into the fact that she should feel better because I gave her a session that I started feeling unwell. My coach cleared it up for me that night. </p><p>So yes, once I have done my job, I can just relax and see what happens. I can put in efforts. I don't decide the outcomes. And when my efforts are done, I can only relax.</p><p>5. <u>Trust the Universe, divine timing, yourself and your own knowing.</u> What's meant to happen will happen. Today, in the morning I realized my bank balance was going below what I had expected. I thought if I could just receive one payment this would be sorted. And then I thought of all the money I am yet to receive. As I write this with a clearer mind, I received another client who paid me and made my bank balance balanced. I never expected this client, because the previous night my mind was focused on the two who had postponed their sessions. It felt like a loss yesterday, but to be fair to them they still won't choose anyone else over me and will take their sessions from me in the future. It's just that we don't know when. </p><p>6. <u>Choose lightness over heaviness</u>. Do not go into trying to make a heavy situation light. There's no point trying to ruminate over the loss and feeling heavier, and trying to convert it into a gain with energy work. It'd be an expense of too much energy. Also, I had avoided the phone-call of the employer yesterday because I didn't feel good but today I called him back. The role is something different and something that interests me for now. I am yet to look at the JD. I am yet to go into the doubts of why I choose crazy roles and crazy career paths. But yes, what feels good feels good. I will only respond to his mail when I feel like it. No conclusions to be made here.</p><p>7. <u>Don't make it significant. </u>I don't need to make it significant that it was my first energetic shopping. There's a thing about firsts and I now let that thing go. Your first doesn't need to be the most successful thing you have ever done. Your first doesn't need to be your deciding factor for failure too. Your first doesn't mean make or break. </p><p>8. <u>You don't have to prove anything to anyone.</u> Your first doesn't mean you have to prove yourself. What if you don't have to prove anything to anyone? Proving again is a useless expense of energy. You might as well use that energy to create something new, something more.</p><p>I remember going up to my brother in-law a couple of days back, saying maybe I should start looking for a job. And he said things haven't even started yet. I am yet to go to my first trip. I am yet to get bored of boredom and freedom. Let things happen when they are due.</p><p>(P.S. Despite how low-energy yesterday was I finally got an apology I should have received a year back. I never asked for the apology and had forgiven the person in my mind but yesterday I found it in my DMs in spelled out words. I accepted it. It was long due and well deserved. :-) )</p><p>What's meant to be yours cannot pass you by.</p><p>All is good when I remember my lessons well. Life's an adventure. Let's play.</p><p>What else is possible?</p><p><br /></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEhHlKSjJznmn6Ueu7hbLLcFfKhWmuBFNNxo6bAyOfgsPGSj-JnyK0QViJWZIaKJMByAcwLPqALzMv_WKCv-mSvrd0HiaHZ4iyMOfO0vdAaC6bNSfBRkEFBrWWDYuPaZUz_TcoV4j8Lx4k1hryj2s0Fi5RkCd1fhGZbwze-odKbyd6e27dF5aitLSheJyA" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="2160" data-original-width="3840" height="255" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEhHlKSjJznmn6Ueu7hbLLcFfKhWmuBFNNxo6bAyOfgsPGSj-JnyK0QViJWZIaKJMByAcwLPqALzMv_WKCv-mSvrd0HiaHZ4iyMOfO0vdAaC6bNSfBRkEFBrWWDYuPaZUz_TcoV4j8Lx4k1hryj2s0Fi5RkCd1fhGZbwze-odKbyd6e27dF5aitLSheJyA=w453-h255" width="453" /></a></div><p></p>Sanhita Baruahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08017993703409422805noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1721434822746084249.post-44007127235320881152022-03-19T00:27:00.005+05:302022-03-19T00:27:55.319+05:30If Home isn't a place...<p>I was looking for home and for so long. I traveled to countries I've never heard of before in search of a place I could call my home. I was always told that someday I'll be able to live in a city, settled, and create my own home. I looked for that city in all the countries I could see.</p><p>My Google timeline says I have been to 24 countries, 257 cities, and 1315 places.</p><p>If you ask me, I would say Google Maps didn't exist when I didn't have a phone. And even then, I was looking for home.</p><p>If you ask me, I can't tell you which city was for me to stay.</p><p>I have spent years wondering if I could ever be able to find my place.</p><p>If I were to create a home where would that be?</p><p>Eventually I stuck to the phrase - the world is my oyster. And maybe someday I would travel the entire world. This suited my narrative of being an explorer, belonging to the entire world than to one place.</p><p>When I was locked down in one, I finally began to wonder what was I really running from?</p><p>I made my house my home then. I cleansed it often, and I thought I'd never be able to stay for long in other places, other cities. Maybe this is what "settled" means, I thought to myself.</p><p>Until more time elapsed, the seasons changed, and so did I.</p><p>These days I find myself in peace.</p><p>Everywhere I go, I can find a corner reserved for me.</p><p>A room, a corner, a seat at a café, at a friend's crowded place, at my ancestral home, my parent's house, my sister's bunk- it could be anything and I'd feel okay.</p><p>A wretched little untidy room, a large sunny front-porch- put me anywhere and I'd be able to sit and write.</p><p>And when I am with my thoughts, I feel I'm home.</p><p>Maybe home isn't a place. Maybe it isn't something you look for outside of you.</p><p>Maybe home is within you. You cleanse that part every day.</p><p>Maybe home is a mindset - you are safe wherever you are.</p><p>Maybe home is a space - you feel expansive wherever you are.</p><p><br /></p>Sanhita Baruahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08017993703409422805noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1721434822746084249.post-23217727589425935292022-03-17T23:08:00.003+05:302022-03-17T23:08:15.327+05:30KonMaring (Un)Consciously - Day 9 and 10Okay, this entire de-cluttering exercise hasn't been a roaring success. Not yet. The donation bags need to be relooked at again. I am kind of running out of clothes to wear in this attempt of minimalism. I haven't fully adopted the Spark Joy or Access Consciousness method too. I will recheck the bags and perceive the energy the next time.<div>The good thing that has come out of this as that my stuff now takes up space in one room only. <div><br /></div><div>De-cluttering of bags is done. It is quite evident that I will not use some bags no matter how good in shape they are. They need to be donated.</div><div><br /></div><div>De-cluttering of documents and other items is to be resumed once I am back at my place. I am writing this from my sister's place now.</div><div><br /></div></div><div>How are the energies these two days?</div><div><br /></div><div>Yesterday was fun. Also, there was an automatic decluttering that happened- the exact thing I was writing about in 2 blogs or more. If this remains that way, it would be a huge outcome of this entire KonMaring exercise. I'd be glad and it'd be a blessing. This couldn't go easier.</div><div><br /></div><div>Today I am not feeling well. I've a headache. I don't remember the last time I had a headache like this. Got a lot of work done in the morning nevertheless. I am highly caffeinated with 4 cups of tea or more. My routine is messed up today. My body is not very happy with the messed up routine. I am in zero awareness/conscious phase today. We will start afresh tomorrow. Today is cancelled.</div><div><br /></div><div>Why did I say yes to being a PR person? I have no clue. I was just checking it out I guess. Let's see what becomes of it.</div><div>I am looking forward to tomorrow's Theta Healing session.</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>Sanhita Baruahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08017993703409422805noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1721434822746084249.post-69101810053116401032022-03-15T20:08:00.002+05:302022-03-15T20:08:52.863+05:30KonMaring Consciously - Shoes, Space, Smoke and Illusions - Day 8<p> What the hell have I been doing with 21 pairs of shoes? Too much for someone who keeps wearing the same pair of sandals or goes out wearing slippers.</p><p>We are real hoarders. Understanding the value of money and being more mindful in my futuristic spends is the goal. I just realized while talking to a friend that I have reduced smoking thanks to the constant question that even though I can afford one pack what's the value of buying that pack? Does it help me in anyway except for a couple of minutes of pleasure and taste?</p><p>The shopkeeper keeps trying to sell me a full pack and I keep pushing it back. My life and health has no meaning to them, of course. :-D But it need not be the same for me.</p><p>I have 21 pairs of shoes but why? What for? Buy few things but make them memorable and usable. So many clothes and nothing to wear is a waste of time, space, energy and money. So many shoes and still picking up the comfortable slipper too is a waste of space and money.</p><p>This helps me understand one thing that when we have a constant supply of money which we feel is never ending, we end up spending mindlessly. I don't intend to be a miser ever. But I also don't want this "I will spend because I can" attitude. I would like to spend because I honestly and genuinely want to.</p><p>The funny thing is that both the expensive sandals and the inexpensive ones don't last for long. Buying expensive long-lasting sandals are a myth. Shoes are fine, though. Expensive shoes are comfortable and last long. But sandals are such a waste of money. It's just the brand name and nothing additional.</p><p>I absolutely love how I am thinking right now. It's creating a lot of space in my mind as well as my shelves.</p><p>I also realize I can easily take a roommate now. My items will easily fit into one room's closet. The illusion of having a lot was what made me wonder all this while on how to reduce my belongings to a 1BHK.</p><p>I also understand why Mom is always so hard-headed on de-cluttering the house from stuff that are no longer useful. All these things affect our subconscious mind and the energy of the place. She needs no Marie Kondo or Access Consciousness to realize this. She knows it by default. She won't be able to express it in words and write a blog post. But I swear to God this woman knows much more than she shows.</p><p>Next category? Bags and Documents.</p><p>P.S. There are just still so many clothes, although now categorized. I just washed a full load in the machine. And there's already another pile left to be washed. It's a never ending cycle.</p><p>P.P.S. I got a roommate today itself. Verbally confirmed so far from May and aligned with Owner. HDIGABTT.</p><p>P.P.P.S. I also confirmed a free client for makeover energetic shopping assistance. Verbally confirmed only. Yet to schedule. HDIGABTT.</p><p>Yesterday's client today confirmed that he is relieved of his neck pain and back pain. HDIGABTT.</p>Sanhita Baruahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08017993703409422805noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1721434822746084249.post-90964144148201628362022-03-12T20:38:00.002+05:302022-03-12T21:40:40.904+05:30KonMaring Consciously - Clothes and Surprises - Day 5<p> I am loving it now. This entire exercise is getting so much fun that I skipped lunch to pursue categorizing of clothes a little more. The amount of clothes I now have to donate is giving me sheer joy too.</p><p>There's some satisfaction in giving. When we give to others we actually give to ourselves. When we help others we actually help ourselves. But we need to give without expecting things in return. Expectations can only brew discontentment and complaints. Unconditional giving creates so much joy and mental space.</p><p>And guess what? I finally had the energy to empty the remaining closets too. The only thing remaining is emptying two suitcases and I am sure I'll do that by the night is over.</p><p>What surprises did I find? A beautiful dress that comes with the tag which means it was never worn. Not sure who bought it. Don't remember myself buying it because it is not even my style. But I can wear it in Goa. Anything goes in Goa. All body image issues disappear in Goa. </p><p>I asked my sis if it was hers. She said no. I can only ask two more people but it's not their size. I pray it be something I bought online and never tried on. I'll probably never find out.</p><p>I also found a pair of heels I bought last year but forgot totally about it. I could have worn them in one party I went to in the month of Feb, when I was looking for heels to wear but could find absolutely nothing. I wore my boots that day. They're painful to walk in.</p><p>So, yes there's been a lot of joyful surprises today.</p><p>What are the energies today? It's a bit bipolar.</p><p>A lot of discussions happened over twitter - one with a 50 yo and another with a 20 yo. Both gave me lessons.</p><p>The 50 yo person, who is also a coach for entrepreneurs and a PHD Candidate, told me about building our muscle of choices. How what we read, what we write, what we consume, everything becomes a choice we make. We can choose to not read all the hate comments people throw at us, directly or indirectly. He also spoke about how guilt is something only we can feel and no one else can make us feel that until we allow them to.</p><p>In Access Consciousness, guilt is called a distractor implant - a distraction from being you and achieving what you want to. We guilt ourselves into not being who we truly want to be. Hence, we guilt ourselves into not becoming greater.</p><p>This is similar to shame. People shame you to control you. Here's a thread I had written a few weeks before - <a href="https://twitter.com/lmost_everybody/status/1496695925171175426?s=20&t=mr6YoawNmJhabAdFNCQomw" target="_blank">Agendas behind Shaming</a></p><p>But the best part what the 50 yo person told me, on a separate tweetversation (conversation over tweets :-D), was that the older we become, the more experiences we have, and these experiences help us see the possible futures and hence, reduces anxiety of uncertainty.</p><p>I think that's profound. Anxiety reduces when we are not afraid of uncertainty, when we know that in the end there are certain ways how we will be saved in the future.</p><p>Overall, I liked the energy because he seldom replied to my tweets before. :D</p><p><span style="background-color: white; white-space: pre-wrap;">The 20 yo reminded me of my younger days. He and his friends are excited that they will soon become adults and earn money. Adulting is fun, they said. I understand them. Financial freedom is the best. When we are young, full of hope, dreams, time and energy, the only thing we lack is money. I was working multiple jobs when I was in college too. I was involved in the start-up called UnikCards. I was a sales agent for Amway or the likes of it. I was tutoring students of class 9 and 10 on physics and mathematics. And, I was also blogging and earning money from writing and blogging. Life was great. Money buys you freedom that way, and also the luxuries you can't afford otherwise. I used to have meals and treats in Mainland China which was a big deal at that time.</span></p><p><span style="background-color: white; white-space: pre-wrap;">Today, financial freedom is still the reason why I can be who I am unapologetically. I cannot not have money. Being from a middle-class family, money buys you freedom, reputation, trust and all the luxuries you want. I love having money. I'd never think of taking the plunge into the unknown if I didn't have money. Last year, I paid off my loans and I felt it's time to start life afresh and see what's possible. Money will come one way or the other. If I had earned before I can earn again.</span></p><p><span style="background-color: white; white-space: pre-wrap;">So, yes, I am in love with the energies today. Today seemed like a good day, a great day, a gift of many things - materialistic and otherwise.</span></p><p><span style="background-color: white; white-space: pre-wrap;">I thought it would be difficult to go through other days of Konmaring Clothes, but today was easy peasy. I have some clothes to iron, some to donate, some for beach wear, some for party wear, and the formal clothes to be kept neatly for the future only. Blessed.</span></p><p><span style="background-color: white; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></p><p style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEj32qm5i9Q14HHAjq6HG43nFDxRqoCunYSGWx16lnEqgcXnARLeg_yCHEsPxosHOPABFtmoZA9h4zMklJLXdMvuTThp1lvmLXDLg3JXenxytFF-pX2Wz24mnJy9N0a9Y0sWLkTOdo5134_io57je2yqMMPDgMgA2nWG4Ji_blmPv2_8EzlHs8AQ5xeQ1Q=s1599" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1599" data-original-width="899" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEj32qm5i9Q14HHAjq6HG43nFDxRqoCunYSGWx16lnEqgcXnARLeg_yCHEsPxosHOPABFtmoZA9h4zMklJLXdMvuTThp1lvmLXDLg3JXenxytFF-pX2Wz24mnJy9N0a9Y0sWLkTOdo5134_io57je2yqMMPDgMgA2nWG4Ji_blmPv2_8EzlHs8AQ5xeQ1Q=s320" width="180" /></a><br /><br /></p>P.S. Dr. Gaurav Deka coincidentally posted on similar lines about shaming today itself, on how people shame you because you are different and you don't belong to their group anymore.<p></p>Sanhita Baruahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08017993703409422805noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1721434822746084249.post-29600078732799851482022-03-09T01:01:00.003+05:302022-03-09T01:01:24.229+05:30KonMaring Consciously - The Clothes - Day 1<p> So I've decided to mix KonMari methods along with Access Consciousness methods of How to Become Money Workbook and employ this KonMaring Consciously method in de-cluttering my house.</p><p>I intend to write this every day to notice the energy shifts and record the same.</p><p>Today was supposed to be day 1 and as KonMari method suggests - to de-clutter one category at a time starting with clothes.</p><p>Well, to be honest I have not started de-cluttering today. Not yet.</p><p>However, I can't help but notice myself pulling out one of the tops to wear today which I usually don't. It's a cotton semi-shirt semi-kurti my parents bought for us in 2019 from their visit to the ISKCON temple. It hardly goes with my fashion sense and I had told them not to buy anymore clothes for me.</p><p>I did get a few compliments when I wore it to office back in 2019. But the kurti mostly remains unused except for some occasions when I was pretty sure nobody I knew would wear it.</p><p>Today I find it comfortable to wear. Why have I not considered wearing it at home? This was the question I thought to myself when I picked it up to wear. Subconsciously, it was just me not willing to let it go in my de-cluttering exercise.</p><p>It's difficult to let clothes go. I buy a lot of clothes and I wear them consecutively for the next 4-5 outings I have. And once I wash them I mostly never wear them again, solely to avoid the pain of ironing the wrinkles.</p><p>I don't love my clothes enough to iron them but I love them enough to keep them as an option to wear someday while always wondering that I have nothing to wear.</p><p>I only like to wear the new clothes when I go out.</p><p>Maybe I should also look into keeping the clothes new so that I can wear them more often.</p><p>Yesterday, I also picked up an old top to wear when I went out for the movies. I don't think I look great in the top plus there's a little tea-stain there too. My ex had gifted it to me who'd really love the top. Another classic subconscious way of not willing to de-clutter clothes and trying to convince myself that they are fit enough to be worn.</p><p>No, wearing both these tops don't bring me joy at all. But maybe, I can keep them to wear at home, :-(</p><p>Letting go of clothes is tough.</p><p>I took a break to do everything in the world to avoid de-cluttering.</p><p>I finally just took the first step and that was of emptying the first closet and putting all the clothes on the queen-sized bed I don't use much. To put things in, perspective there are 9 more closets like this. This is going to take longer than I expected, much longer.</p><p><br /></p>Sanhita Baruahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08017993703409422805noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1721434822746084249.post-4748138844823154572022-03-04T10:50:00.002+05:302022-03-04T10:50:10.695+05:30Our Inherent Sexist Beliefs that Never Changed<p>I am writing this because I'm angry and my anger is slowly receding. I want to write this before I lose my anger and my memory of the incident. I want to write this because once I write this, I will flush it out of my system too.</p><p>There are inherent patriarchal remarks we have to walk through every day and it goes unnoticed. It's my last day at work today, having worked in an organization composing of 80% men above managers and maybe around 95% men as a whole, so I believe it is now safe to bring to notice some of the workplace remarks by men here:</p><p>When a woman is angry about some work, men don't take a lot of time to jump to one of the two following conclusions-</p><p>1. If she is young/unmarried - she must be sexually frustrated / PMSing.</p><p>2. If she is older, above 45-ish - she must be going through menopause.</p><p>Regarding PMSing and Menopause- I don't want to deny that hormones don't play a role in our emotions. They do. But concluding it like that in a workplace is totally demeaning and just shows how deeply rooted your patriarchal beliefs are. It's also a brilliant tactic to shed your responsibility of the work output and put it on the woman's moods instead.</p><p>I mean, what menopause must Putin be going through right now? Or is his actions not hormonal because he is a man?</p><p>You see, woman are told to get married/date people so that they don't have to build a career, while men are allowed to build or break even countries. Old, degenerating men!</p><p>Sexism is something that will not go away easily, just like racism. A lot of viewpoints are deeply implanted in us to ever notice them when they come out in the surface.</p><p>Men often get offended if we call them out on such things like demonstrating sexist behavior. They'd defend by saying it is so natural and obvious. It is as much natural and obvious as you blaming the entire gender of women when one woman does something wrong, but when it is a man's fault it is only that man's fault.</p><p>This is exactly like racism- a white man shooting people is a lone wolf but a black man or a Muslim man doing the same would shame the entire race or religious community as terrorists.</p><p>If a female leader acts out in a workplace meeting, she is hormonal.</p><p>If a male leader does it, he is just angry. </p><p>When a woman is a bad boss, women are difficult to work with.</p><p>When a man is a bad boss, only he is difficult to work with.</p><p>You may defend that because you have seen other good men bosses around. But what kind of variety of women would you even practically see in a workplace with only 20% women? </p><p>This inherent misogyny will probably stay for years to come, even longer than racism. </p><p>Articles written by females and female-centric movies will go unnoticed or appreciated by only a smaller section of the society. That's how we are - used to seeing more of men and less of women. A female-centric movie is a female-centric movie, a male-centric movie is just a movie. A female-centric movie shows women in this light or that light, while a male-centric movie just shows the male character in this light or that light. We are quick to generalize when it comes to women.</p><p>Coming to the second part of men's reasoning: sexual frustration!</p><p>Before the pandemic, I never felt any pressure to date or marry. After pandemic, things changed. I only took a conscious call to refrain from dating while most of the world around me took a call to get married.</p><p>As if the pressure of family and Facebook photos was not enough, now arises a new topic amongst men - sexual frustration.</p><p>Yesterday this 42-year old colleague of mine tells me to join Tinder so that I don't take my career seriously.</p><p>I've never taken my career seriously. Being sincere and overdelivering when I enjoy doing something comes naturally to me. He doesn't see that. He sees a woman, younger than him, looking for meaningful work to do. That's not natural in his experience and observation. </p><p>Am I taking up more work than him to kill his chances of promotions owing to the time he doesn't have because he has a kid? In this case, he works more hours than I do, does more projects than I do, and we are not even in the same band to compete with.</p><p>It's a fact, though, that all bachelors work late hours and contribute to ruining the workplace's 9-to-5 culture. But are men told to get married to avoid the same?</p><p>I gave him the benefit of doubt and I said I was never interested to marry. He said Tinder isn't for marriage. Date, have sex, have fun!</p><p>He has assumed I am not having "fun". I asked around some married women to give him another benefit of doubt, to see if marriage really brings any change to our inherent nature - a good word for it is being passionate, a derogatory word for it is being aggressive. They assured me it doesn't change anything.</p><p>So I come around to not giving him the benefit of doubt; him and some other men who happened to assume the same. </p><p>I find it again being a deeply rooted misogynist viewpoint that can go so nasty as "she just needs a dick" in your early 20s or in societally accepted words "she needs to get married" in your late 20s or early 30s.</p><p>I wonder if any single established man was ever assumed to be sexually frustrated. The most influential man of our country, who too is unmarried, happens just to be a man in his path/mission. Women are not supposed to have missions, I guess.</p><p>My female friends look at me, call me inspiring or damn successful and most of my male friends keep asking me when am I going to get married.</p><p>We all look for meanings in life and it's okay if you choose to find meaning in your family, in your child, in your career, in a social service you do or anything else.</p><p>The trouble is, this colleague or other men, say things like this believing they are in good intention, because they don't know any better. This is all they have seen, learned and known. </p><p>They see their wives doing household chores and they see these younger women at workplace either doing just the bare minimum to pass the day or doing more projects than they had ever imagined. The first category of women would mostly be married. The second would be driven. Their points of view, revolving around sex, gets concluded.</p><p>They see their fathers ignoring their mothers' outbursts at home by saying she is just going through a menopause. And they see the senior female leaders at the workplace being upset or angry with some poorly delivered work, and assume the same.</p><p>These beliefs are passed down from generations and it has become their second nature.</p><p>The comments hardly go beyond sex and hormones and revolves around the entire gender, as if no woman is different to the other. But every man? Every man is a unique person with his own behavioral traits.</p><p>I never thought I'd be writing such a piece at this age. I thought my ranting article-writing activist days were over back in Mumbai, back when I was 25. </p><p>Life comes back a full circle, nothing changed, and here I am- unable to make them understand their misogynistic traits without offending them and hence, blogging it instead.</p><p>To him, I replied by saying I don't prefer Tinder, that it is a shitty platform and then I laughed it off like good working women do.</p><p>My idealistic nature signs me up for a lot of disappointment in life. But thankfully it also helps me write such things and validate all the other women who faces the same.</p><p>I called up another friend, a 38-year old woman, unmarried, and told her about what he said. She had faced similar comments before. </p><p>She advised me to ignore it, and then she laughed it off like good working women do.</p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p>Sanhita Baruahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08017993703409422805noreply@blogger.com0